The toxic expectations of college relationships
As college students, the topics of love and dating are whispered in conversations all around us. From date parties for Greek life students, “husband material” Hinge dates or post-night-out horror stories, finding “the one” is a universal quest.
The idea of “Ring by Spring” — mainly associated with Christian or Mormon colleges — is a cultural pressure cooker that rushes students to get engaged before the spring semester of senior year or even younger. This accelerated deadline for commitment is toxic as you dive deeper into the reason why people get married so young. Is it love? Lust? A whirlwind of coming-of-age hormones, panicking because the “real world” is starting to creep closer? Or possibly, is it rushing to have a rock on your left hand before you feel like it’s too late and end up alone?
While “Ring by Spring” is a phrase often used in humor, scrambling to find a match isn’t the dream many people chalk it up to be. Marriage is an entire lifetime commitment. By signing a dotted line, a student who doesn’t know how to navigate adulting — and the challenges that come with it — could be married. Marrying a frat guy who can’t even use a printer, let alone take care of his assignments, might not be the smartest decision just because you want to show off that you have your life “figured out.” Let go of the expectations of your peers and create your own path with a life you get to build from the ground up.
The sources of pressure can vary from religious institutions, friends settling down with a partner or parental expectations. Many students are pushed into the lifestyle of dating to marry, and the belief that marriage is a stage of life no one should miss out on. This constant pressure to find someone gets heavier as some parents want grandchildren early and push that marriage is the only way to happiness. The terrifying idea of being alone forever can be paralyzing and lead to anxious emotions when trying to make a life for your peers to be in awe of at the expense of your own happiness. Trying to be someone else or love someone you don’t even like for the sake of saying you’re engaged isn’t worth the price of a divorce.
Love, while it is an easy ideal to be entranced by, isn’t just in a romantic relationship. Platonic relationships can be just as fulfilling, if not more, to a college student. These people will be your shoulders to lean on in adversity and the people whom you hold a future with that you can truly trust.
“Maybe romantic love isn’t at the forefront of your life right now, but love exists in so many forms,” singer Olivia Dean said. “There is so much love to be shared in the world, I think we need reminding that it’s all around us and you just need to look for it.”
This “true love” that is being chased by so many young people is evident in so many aspects of our daily lives. It’s in your friendships, the shared smiles with strangers and in your relationship with your parents; love truly is blossoming all around you. We can read about love or watch romantic comedies filled with these ideal dream relationships people want, but love isn’t something to be rushed; it’s to be wholeheartedly felt with passion. Don’t enter a relationship for how accomplished it makes you look, but because life would be dull without love’s color.
When you know, you know. While that may seem cliché, it holds great verity. Don’t chase love just because you see it in others around you. Conforming to a life not meant for you in this season won’t grant you access to your end goal of where you are meant to be.
All in all, you don’t have to find your husband or wife in college. While you may not have this relationship in your life now, it doesn’t make you any less of a successful human who deserves those feelings. Focus on who you are and be patient. Your future love just might be waiting to make a dramatic entrance.