When my friends received Canva-made invitations telling them a funeral was being held in my honor a couple of weeks ago, there was no doubt in my mind that each and every one of them thought I was crazy. Frankly, I felt like I was going a tad over the top. Especially since the funeral was meant to be a way to celebrate my 20th birthday, and that could have been celebrated in a lot simpler fashion. However, I’ve never been one to take birthdays lightly.
Leading up to my birthday, I pictured hosting a small get-together with college friends and watching an autumn-esque movie while we ate cake. It wasn’t until September hit that I began to get anxious for my birthday — something that has never happened to me before. I couldn’t get over the scary idea that I was turning 20. In my mind, I felt like I had rooted a deep identity in being a teenager as opposed to just being myself. Recognizing that I would no longer be in what I thought was the best decade I’d ever experience, terrified me. Suddenly, party planning didn’t seem fun anymore; a melancholy ache had set in – I didn’t want to grow up.
It was during this time period of nostalgia over my teenage years that I realized my sadness felt like mourning. But I also understood I didn’t have to do it alone — I could celebrate the happiness my teenage years had given me with the people I cared about most. The people I loved most and I could celebrate my past in a funeral-themed birthday party I named “Death to Teens.”
When it came to executing the party (see what I did there), I found fulfillment in the time I was initially fearful due to my innate love for planning. All of the decorations were black to set the mood as my guests arrived. I had sad “funeral” music playing in the background to a slideshow of my favorite moments from my teenage years – all in black and white filters for dramatic effect. Black decorations were placed throughout the apartment, including balloons reading “20” and a banner reading “RIP MY TEENAGE YEARS.” To complete the decorations, a single black rose hung on the entryway door.
Going into the party, I didn’t believe the decorations were what would make the funeral theme obvious. In true planner fashion, I created a miniature schedule complete with eulogy readings and a will reading where I gave my will awardees cans from my stash of Canada Dry.
Looking back, it wasn’t the goofiness of the whole experience that lifted my spirit (I promise I’ll stop the puns now), but instead the kindness my friends offered. The eulogy readings were what helped me realize I would be okay now that I’ve entered my twenties. My friends shared their favorite goofy memories — reminders that I am thought of in such a positive way and encouragement that I would continue to be loved by the truest friends someone could ask for. As we laughed, teared up and remembered the past decade of my life, I couldn’t help but finally be excited for all that was to come.
Before my birthday, I felt sad to let go. This ache lasted until I realized letting go didn’t have to be scary. After choosing my birthday party theme, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little crazy. However, now that I am a few weeks into being 20, I can confirm it was everything I needed. While my birthday was meant to mourn all that I was, I think it only made me excited for everything that is to come and all that I will become as I enter an unknown chapter of life with people who love me so much they attended a funeral birthday for me.
