As college-aged girls, most of us have something in common: we’re constantly evolving. Each day brings a new discovery about ourselves. We change our opinions, our clothes and inevitably, the person we’re becoming. We’re told that college is the place to “find yourself,” meaning figure out who you are, what you like and the kind of woman you want to become.
But what if you don’t actually need to find yourself?
Recently, finding yourself has become a chore, especially online. We’re told to find our style, our vibe, our “aesthetic.” The internet has an endless selection of identities: cottagecore, Y2K, coquette, you name it. There seems to be a label for everything.
The “clean girl” aesthetic, for example, had everyone in a chokehold from 2022 to just a year ago. Being a clean girl meant pink pilates outfits, iced coffee, slicked-back hair and of course, a 10-step skincare routine. It was a lifestyle and almost an identity.
But now, the trend is starting to fade. The aesthetic that just recently felt so fresh and modern has become outdated, with a new one sure to take its place.
So we move on.
Young women go through this constantly. We search for ourselves in articles of clothing, hair colors and Pinterest boards. There’s nothing wrong with these things. Trust me, I love a good scroll on Pinterest. The problem, however, is when we let them tell us who we are.
This modern version of finding ourselves often involves looking everywhere but inward, and it’s time we rethink the whole idea. We scroll on social media, save videos and photos of girls we want to be like, piecing together an identity out of other people.
The internet has a cruel way of making us want to be somebody else. Oftentimes, searching for who you are will only bring you more questions.
Through all this searching, we latch onto other people’s identities, but not our own. Honestly, I think our truest self is whoever we were before any exterior influence.
I’ve fallen victim to all this many times. I asked myself questions like, “How am I supposed to just pick one aesthetic when I like so many?” And, “What if I’m just too indecisive to pick a style?” I’ve wondered if I really do like things, or if I just think I do because I’ve seen so many others like them.
Struggling to find a label isn’t the problem. It’s thinking you need one at all.
I don’t think we need to find ourselves. In fact, the endless search for self makes it harder to find who we really are. It’s far easier to latch onto somebody else’s identity than it is to make your own.
We aren’t aesthetics, nor should we ever fit squarely into them. People are allowed to be contradictory. In fact, I think we should be. Who cares if one day you wear a cute, colorful workout set and the next you wear a fall sweater and jeans?
I’ve accepted that maybe the truest version of me isn’t a person I’m suddenly going to discover; it’s who I was before I started looking.
Still, I don’t think we should ignore all exterior influences. Culture, art and beauty are everywhere, and they shape us into the people we are. But we should never feel like we have to become them. Influence and pressure are very different things, but the line often blurs too easily.
I’ve started to live my life without thinking about what “vibe” I want to give off or what aesthetic I want to have. I want to wake up and do what I like. I want to put on a top I think is cute and pants I like. I want to do my makeup in whatever way makes me feel good.
I strive to live my life as naturally as I can.