Your Friday Night Beverage Horoscope

The phrase “TGIF” resonates with just about every college student by the time classes are done for the week. Every collegiette has their own way of winding down from the hustle and bustle of homework and classes, so we’ve laid out your horoscope for the night based off of what beverage you chose for the evening.

Screwdriver

You probably just happened to have orange juice just lying around in your refrigerator, so it goes perfectly with those last few shots of vodka you have leftover from your last trip to the liquor store. Tonight should be a chill night with some friends in some random apartment in the Marshall with at least 50 too many people in it.

Wine

If you’re drinking it from a glass, you’re probably having a relaxing night in with your girlfriends watching movies. Expect to wake up tomorrow feeling fresh and ready to catch up on some homework. If you’re drinking it out of a plastic bottle, I’m predicting a forecast of some sick moves on the dance floor. If you’re drinking Franzia straight from the bag, there’s a 100% chance of a fierce hangover tomorrow morning.

Jack and Coke

Whiskey is always a good choice, although this combo is delicious but dangerous. Pace yourself, or you’ll end up with a repeat from that one gameday (everyone has had at least one).

Water

Sometimes you just have to be the responsible one. If you’re drinking water, you’re probably going to end up taking care of some of your friends, but you’ll wake up tomorrow feeling amazing and they will not.

UV Blue

So you’re probably a freshman. Make sure you don’t forget your lanyard before you head back to the dorms tonight, otherwise there’s a 75% chance of you getting locked out of your room.

Coffee

Looks like the week isn’t over for you! Props to you for setting your priorities and getting ahead (or catching up) on your academic responsibilities. You’ll definitely get an A on whatever paper you’re writing or exam you’re studying for.

Anything with tequila

I’m predicting that your Snap story for tonight will be anywhere between 3 and 5 minutes long, or possibly even non-existent because you’ll end up losing your phone.

Beer

If you’re drinking something a little nicer, you’re probably at a bar like a real adult, which means tomorrow you probably have to do real adult things, like pick up your dry cleaning. I’m predicting tomorrow morning you will wake up to find your roommate did all the dishes (finally). If the beer is anything that falls within the same category of Busch or Natural Ice, it probably came from a keg. Should you decide to do a kegstand, find a trusted gal pal to hold your hair back.

Whether you’re staying in or going out, you’re bound to have a great time or an eventful  evening!