On Sunday evening Her Campus partnered with She’s the First to put on a panel of speakers with diverse experiences with sexual assault in order to spark conversation on such a detrimental issue in society and on our very own campus. This panel kicked off Fund Aurora, a series of programs this week that are helping raise money for the life changing Aurora Center.
The panel included six people, men and women identifying that are connected to sexual assault in some way: there was a lawyer and former prosecutor who has worked with victims of domestic violence, sex trafficking and sexual assault, the Male Engagement Coordinator at The Aurora Center, the patrol lieutenant for the University of Minnesota Police Department, and three survivors of sexual assault. All of these professionals, advocates and survivors spend a lot of their time trying to educate others on sexual assault and the issues surrounding it, like rape culture and victim blaming.
We had a great turnout for this event–so many people Showed Up! For those of you that really wanted to attend this event but couldn’t, or for those of you who never even considered going, or for those of you that did attend but want to refresh your memory, here is a list of the main takeaways from the panel discussion.
1. It’s not always the guy in the bushes.
Rape and sexual assault aren’t just committed by strangers hiding out in the dark and attacking their victims. Rather, many victim-survivors of sexual assault actually know their perpetrator previously and sexual assault can also happen while in relationships. One of the panelists spoke about how it took her a while to admit that her relationship at the time was abusive. For a long time she didn’t think she could even call it sexual assault since she was dating him. We learned that no sexual assault experience is the same, yet all are valid.
2. Victim blaming is never okay.
Victim blaming is showcased in probably every single sexual assault experience when people ask questions like “What were you wearing?” or “Did you try and get away?” or “Why were you drinking so much?” It’s important to realize that sexual assault is never the victim’s fault. Make sure to be cautious when talking about such experiences and that you don’t insinuate that the victim-survivor could have done anything different. More often than not, they’ve probably had all of those thoughts themselves already.
3. Give validation, rather than silver linings.
When we talk to someone that has gone through a hardship, it’s always instinct to try and be optimistic. Your dog died? At least he’s in a better place. You broke your arm? At least it’s not your dominate hand. You were sexually assaulted? At least you’re alive! Our victim-survivor panelists said that sometimes it’s just nice for some to agree–yeah, that sucks and that person’s an asshole and I’m sorry you’re going through this. Validate that what a victim-survivor is going through is absolutely worthy of acknowledgement. They deserve to be sad, angry, emotional. They don’t have to be optimistic about the situation.
4. Be an active bystander through the 3 D’s.
The 3 D’s are direct, distract and delegate. These are the three ways the Aurora Center suggests intervening in suspicious situations. If you’re confident and don’t feel unsafe, be direct and get involved. If you don’t feel comfortable with a confrontation you can distract by doing something like spilling a drink on the predator. Alternatively, you can delegate the task by asking some friends or strangers to help you get involved and prevent such a devastating crime from occurring. If we could all take it upon ourselves to try a little harder to be more observant and stand up for others, we can help some sexual assault encounters from ever happening.
5. Men allies are important.
Unfortunately, the way our world works right now is that men tend to listen to other men before they listen to women. A man stepping in and telling his friend what he’s doing is wrong is probably going to be more effective than a woman doing the same thing. Additionally, sexual assault happens to men, too, and it shouldn’t just be women there standing up for those men.
6. Justice is relative.
Many victim-survivors that press charges on their perpetrator never see legal justice for their case as the majority of rapists never go to prison. However, justice is more than just legal results, it’s also about being able to talk openly about your experiences and about living your life happily, and not letting the experience define you.
7. Don’t just talk the talk, walk the walk.
You will rarely ever hear someone say that they don’t support victim-survivors of sexual assault. However, how many people that do support them actually show up and work to make a difference in their lives? How many supporters of victim-survivors actually attend these events and have open conversations? Let’s all take it upon ourselves to start walking the walk, rather than just talking. If you are not actively opposing sexual assault, you are perpetuating rape culture.
Thanks so much to all of the panelists that came out on Sunday to make a difference in our University of Minnesota community, we really appreciate it. Now it’s our turn to take the time to make a difference! Tell your friend their rape joke isn’t funny, tell your friend that you believe their story, continue to educate yourself about the issue of sexual assault. Additionally, the Aurora Center does a lot of good in our community and needs our help to be able to continue their work. Please consider donating even a few dollars to the Her Campus venmo account or to the Aurora Center’s crowd funding page.