Coming out can look different for virtually everyone in the LGBTQ+ community. There are different ways of being “out,” and some people don’t even feel the need to do it. Ultimately, I want to stress the point that coming out should be your decision. It should never be forced or something you resort to. You’re in charge of your own identity and you should feel ready and safe to share that identity with the world, if you so choose.
Coming out may hold different meaning for different groups within the LGBTQ+ community. It’s important to note that lesbians and gays will probably have a different experience than someone who’s trans or asexual. Certain identities have different connotations associated with them, and this can influence someone’s coming out experience. Or, there are some identities that people have been exposed to more than others and this can influence their comfort level with someone who identifies as such. In either situation, the experience may differ for each person and it’s so important not to generalize or assume why someone may choose to come out or not in a given circumstance.
Coming out might also look different. Some may feel more comfortable coming out in different spaces and not in others, and the only person that gets to decide that is the person doing the coming out. Some choose to come out to close friends or family first, and then slowly come out to everyone else in their life over time. Others choose to tell their family last or tell everyone at the same time with social media, like a Facebook status. In any case, all ways are valid and should never be scrutinized. However someone chooses to come out, it’s what they’re comfortable with and what makes them feel the safest.
Some also choose to come out before they have a label they choose to use as an identifier. A blanket term many people use is “queer.” Some people, like myself, come out as one thing and later discover that that isn’t quite right. I first came out as bisexual and later discovered that I was just a lesbian. Some people never use labels and simply declare that they’re “an x person that likes x kinds of people,” and that’s okay too. Some people aren’t comfortable using labels for a variety of very valid reasons and some just haven’t discovered the right one. In every case, how someone chooses to identify should never be up for debate and under attack. No one gets to decide how someone else identifies.
There’s no way to tell if coming out is something you need to do. There’s no checklist beforehand, and I can’t be a spokesperson for all people who came out. However, I do want to stress how important it is that someone is in a safe place to come out. It’s not fun to think about, but coming out can be dangerous for some people. Ultimately, the decision is up to the person who wants to come out and whether or not they feel safe or comfortable disclosing the information. Remember, no one else has the right to do it for them.