With Spring right around the corner, it is time that every individual embarks on a change. Everyone needs some spring cleaning. Whether it is legitimate cleaning and getting rid of crusty stuff in your closet. Or cleaning your social life and getting rid of crusty people.
Recently while doing a school project I became aware of the Social Penetration Theory.
This theory explained that a human being is made of layers, much like an ogre…and an onion. The outer layer is what a human being sees on the surface with minimal conversation. The basic “Hi, how are you? What is your favorite color?” But the deeper you go; the more intimacy is reached within each level. The next level maybe a person’s hobbies, the layer beneath that could be politics, below that is religion, and below that is deep dark fantasies. And then we hit the inner core. Basically, the inner core is made of a person’s self-concepts, inner most thoughts, and ultimately secrets.
When a person enters your life, they are entering a wedge into your layers. And each layer is harder to penetrate then the last. When getting to start a relationship, you are quick to start but then gradually a relationship takes things slow when people start to figure out more and more about a person. But this wedge can only get deeper through self-disclosure, meaning that a person must be vulnerable and willing to share their information with another person. This entire process takes TIME. It should be a gradual process for a wedge to dive deeper and deeper into each layer.
But, we have those friends that do otherwise. They meet a boy or a girl for the first time and after three dates they are in love. We have people in our lives who are so quick to let people drive a wedge through our layers, and sometimes its ok. But other times, we mistake poisonous people for good people, and they are already wedged deep down to your inner core. What the Penetration Theory says is that once your wedge is driven, it leaves a mark in your layers. This means that if a person were to leave your life for a bit and depenetrate your layers, there is still a little hole (sometimes a larger hole) where that wedge once was. BUT, this means that if this person were to reenter your life, their wedge can come back with LESS RESISTENCE THEN IT DID BEFORE, BECAUSE A MARK IS STILL THERE.
Those friends who keep going back to that poisonous relationship or we all have that one friend who doesn’t benefit us at all but still finds a way to wiggle back in…the reason they are so easily able to come back finally makes sense. Their wedge was so deep and has left their mark, so they are able to reenter my life easier than they could before. Well, THIS ENDS NOW.
Positive vibes only! This process is gradual for a reason, we need to make sure that those people who are penetrating our layers are good people BEFORE they get to the inner core. And those negative people who took advantage of the inner core, need to make sure they don’t find their path of less resistance. We need to remove these crusty people from our lives, and only surround ourselves by positive energy. If a friend you know needs this, the month of March is a perfect place to do it. Do help support your girlfriends through this tough time, empower them with the many sweet treats March has to offer. There are Girl Scout cookies on every corner, the shamrock shake is here, and it is thriving, and finally every supermarket has Irish potatoes just ripe for the picking. Mean people are noodles, and we are more than capable of spring cleaning them out of our lives.
All gifs courtesy of giphy.com