Dear Flour Bomber,
I never thought I’d be writing to a woman who threw a flour bomb at Kim Kardashian, but we live in a world where this kind of nonsense happens. Now, Flour Bomber, this was a rash decision, especially at this time in Kim K.’s life. I mean you may be the only person who gave that Armenian a reality check. I mean Ray J’s sex tape, a reality show that makes her out to be a crazy uber b-word and a highly publicized wedding and 72-day marriage sure didn’t. I must however raise five important points about this flour filled affair concerning the bomber and the bombee.
Nice Aim, Lady
Flour Bomber, you actually threw that flour bag with such accuracy that you could probably get an 11 from the Game Makers for the Hunger Games. Were you playing cornhole every waking moment of your life and then made a Kim K. dummy to practice with? I mean clearly you planned this carefully, because you left the black-clad Kardashian covered in flour from the top of her extensions to the bottom of her designer stilettos. Whatever your method was, you completed your task successfully, that’s for sure.
I really would like to know the reasoning behind the flour. I mean, are you implying Kim K. needs to learn something from housewives around the country? Did you want her to start following your recipe board on Pinterest? I mean it was quite the prank, and I’m glad you didn’t go with an actual bomb, a flammable substance, or fire, but honestly, what the heck Betty Bomber? Keep that flour in your kitchen and off the red carpet. Didn’t you know Kim was releasing a new fragrance?
Luckily She Was Alone
In an article on People.com, Khloe Kardashian said that had she been with Kim, the Flour Bomber never would have attacked. Sorry, Khloe, but no one saw that flour coming. Granted you are the taller of the Kardashian sisters and you could probably take on an attacker like no other, but not even you could see that flour fall from the crowd. I mean this wasn’t a Ryan Seacrest and Sacha Baron red carpet incident. The Flour Bomber gave no warning. So although I love you Khloe, you probably would have had flour over you for days as well. I’m sure you brought two bags of flour, Flour Bomber, just in case another Kardashian appeared.
Think Before You Throw
Now I bet you had your reasoning behind this flourey blitz, but Flour Bomber, of all people to attack, I hope you realize this is Kim K. She does not handle things well when her hotness is tainted. I mean, have you not watched any of the Kardashian shows? So even though Kim laughed it off and changed clothes and declined medical attention from paramedics (you probably are shaking your head wondering why she needed medical attention too). But you know she had a hissy fit that set off the Richter Scale, and despite the fact you were released Flour Bomber, you are now facing charges.
Messed with the Wrong Dash
I have commended you for this flour incident, because who isn’t over Kim and her drama? But I gotta defend Kim. One, Kim K. will find you and will make you pay, I mean I think it’s some sort of secret service she has but I’m pretty certain Kim knows how to get her payback. Two, Kim has been through a lot, and with her new fragrance, True Reflection, ironically her true reflection was one covered in flour so touché, Bomber. But come on. She is trying to move on and learning to be completely alone. Which is my last point, Flour Bomber. She may become a recluse now or refuse to walk red carpets, afraid of flour flying all over her. This was just the wrong Armenian to mess with.
Flour Bomber, I hope you aren’t charged with anything too serious. Maybe they’ll just ration how much flour you can buy at Whole Foods, or make you beg for forgiveness to Kim. I just hope you don’t have to go to jail. Who would your friends be inside? I can’t imagine Flour Bombers making friends in the big house, perhaps with the cafeteria ladies? All in all, you might have messed with the wrong lady, but you sure made headline news in the oddest way possible.
Best of Luck,