This past summer, my partner and I decided we wanted to try living together to see what it was like. It was only three and a half months, but the time was gone in a blink! Most of the time it was really awesome and it was just like I imagined living with my best friend would be like. But realistically, other times it was hard and we had to learn how to deal with each other in tough moments. Here are some reasons why I think we survived and enjoyed ourselves:
- Communication
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I sometimes tend to bottle my feelings and put on a happy face, but we all know that that can lead to a blow-up. My S/O sometimes thinks he has told me things when really he only thought about telling me things (and to be honest, sometimes he does tell me and I just forget). This can lead to a lot of miscommunication and problems. We developed a system early on in our relationship that I find works really well and is easy to adopt into your own relationship. We just tell each other what we’re thinking! It seems super simple, and it is once you practice it, but starting out it can be hard to do.
Trust that your partner will listen to your concerns and comments and be open when listening to theirs. This doesn’t work if either you or your partner ignores and/or criticizes the other’s words. Adopt your partner’s perspective for a moment and consider what they’re saying. Also, it is essential that you are comfortable enough with your partner to tell them everything that is bothering you or other important information. If you are not comfortable doing this, it might not be the best idea to take the step into living with them yet.
- Compromise
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It’s virtually impossible to agree with every single thing your S/O says and does. No matter how similar your two may be, there will definitely be something that doesn’t align. For example, I am a band geek through and through, and my boyfriend is super techy. Neither of us is 100% invested in the other’s interests, but we do take the time to support each other. A lot of times after work, we would pass the remote back and forth and swap between DCI or WGI videos on youtube and a Battle Bots episode on Prime until it was time for bed. It’s only fair for you two to divide the time on things you want to do as well as chores that need to be done around the home.
On nights where we weren’t really interested in swapping and sharing the time, we decided to do something different that we both enjoyed. Sometimes that would be playing videogames together (more often, I would watch him play games and make fun of him when he messed up) or settling for some true crime documentaries on Netflix. Either way, there should be a good balance of give and take. It won’t always be 50/50, but just be conscious to share the time.
- Alone Time/ Spending Time with Other People
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I tend to be the clingier person in our duo and for the most part, I can never get enough time with my S/O! On the other hand, as much as I know he loves spending time with me, I also know that he values his alone time and time with friends. This lesson was a hard one for me to learn because I am a very family-oriented person and I genuinely hate being away from the people I love. However, I understand that alone time is beneficial for helping us recharge and being better in supporting one another later.
We lived in a one-bedroom condo and though it was considerably large, sometimes it was hard to avoid each other when we definitely needed space to blow off steam or to simply sit and think. I recommend taking some time on your own to find a park, library, walking trail, coffee shop, shopping center, etc. to go to in times when you need to be alone. Additionally, it’s helpful to just text a friend or call up a family member to hang out with for a few hours or a weekend. And when you are spending that time away, try your hardest not to pick up the phone and text your S/O. I’m guilty of doing that and it makes your “me time” not really “me time” anymore.
- Having a Schedule
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The last thing I want to share is having a consistent schedule. This helped with keeping track of the chores and after-work things that we just had to do. For a lot of couples, it seems like the uneven weight of who gets more chores can be an issue, so we used an app and collaborated in checking things off the list to avoid that problem. We also swapped duties so that one person didn’t get stuck with doing the laundry or cleaning the bathroom every single time.
We never got around to doing this, but I personally feel that it might have been helpful to also have a dinner schedule so that we didn’t have to spend forever deciding what to make for dinner each night and who was going to cook it. Regardless, just find a system that works for you and keep using it to build up a good habit.
All of these were helpful in making sure we got along well, but the single biggest factor was knowing that we were both mentally and emotionally ready to take a big step in our relationship. I think it’s extremely important to know that living with yout partner might reveal some unpleasant things (like behaviors they have that you don’t like, discovering peeves you never knew you had, and learning how to argue and make up). Also know that despite these tips, there will still be challenging days when you’re in a bad mood and snippy and vice versa. Take it all in stride and learn from those challenging times!
HCXO, Samantha
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