Happy cuffing season ladies! Summer loves have either been tossed aside or are waiting for us to make a decision about the future. Whether it’s a newfound love or one that has been blossoming for a while, at some point we ask ourselves, “Are they the one?” Not only a question we ask ourselves, but others also ask us all the time. A valid and typical response is, “How do I even know?”
“When you know you know!” Happy people in love say, which let’s be honest, isn’t very helpful. As someone happily in love, I see how that answer makes sense, but thinking of our lovely single or committed-but-not-sure ladies, let me see if I can provide some more clarity. All I can do is give you the details of my own story that helped me know if Brandon was the one for me, but hopefully it’s at least better than, “If you know you know.”
I hate when people ask me how long I’ve been in love with Brandon, because the truth is, I was in love with him long before I realized I was, but it didn’t look how I thought it would. I met him when I was 13, and for about a year, we were just casual acquaintances, only making small talk when I saw him on Wednesday night youth groups. About a year later, when he was the only person in my friend group who attended an all day youth conference and we had more time to talk, we started talking incessantly and he became my best friend.
I would tell him everything, all my bad days, things I was excited about, and yes even the boys I had a crush on. He listened and absorbed every word, he told how I deserved better than what the guys I had crushes on were giving me…he made me feel valued and cared for. I did my best to return the favor, and I hope I still make him feel the way he makes me feel. I think even then I was in love with him, but it took the disguise of being my best friend.
Throughout tries and fails of other people (even a short-lived fling of the two of us trying to date), our friendship remained unchanged. We fought a lot as friends though, and since hindsight is 20/20, I can now see it was just the sheer frustration of wanting to be together but getting distracted by other things and letting stupid obstacles get in the way. But despite the fights, we had each other’s backs, we would always make up, and we could always make the other smile.
When I was 16, I finally realized I was in love with him. There was a reason I fought to keep him around while I let other friends come and go. No matter what we went through, I needed him. He was my safe space, the person who could always brighten even the worst days, my confidant, my literal best friend. He had seen even the ugliest and worst parts of me and still wanted to be with me.
When I was 13, but slightly before I met him, I made a list of everything I wanted in a future husband. I found that list when I was 16, and realized Brandon had every single quality I listed, and even added some I never knew I cared about (not to mention he’s super good looking too). We finally started dating right after my 17th birthday, and I knew even before we started dating that he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I needed him in middle and high school, I need him now, and I know I will need him all the days of my life.
So to the girl who’s asking, “How will I know they’re the one?” Think about what matters to you in a life partner. What qualities do they need to have? What are bonus ones? And no-gos? Have they met the real you, including the deep secrets and ugly moments, but love you all the more for it? Most importantly, do they make you happy? Can you run to them at the end of a long day and feel safe?
Everyone thinks that love is some type of rocket science. It doesn’t have to be so complicated, just find the one who makes your heart happy, and who you would do anything for. Don’t settle, it can take a while. Good things take time. It took me 3 years to finally get to my friend who I talked to every single day, but I promise, it was worth every second of the wait.
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“I found him whom my soul loves.”
-Song of Solomon 3:4
HCXO,
Lyss
*All photos courtesy of giphy.com