Over the past 6 months, I have lost my time. That time has been lost by the career I am desperately building. The final lap of Millersville Mario Kart is stressing me out with its speedy music and blue shells coming at me on Rainbow Road. My 3 courses of the Grand Prix are over. I’m running out of time as the I’m on the last lap of the final race trying to come out on top.
Whether or not I come out on top is beyond my power at this point. However, my metaphor of Mario Kart is gone too, because I don’t have time to play Mario Kart anymore. Over the past 6 months, I’ve lost more and more time for myself, my family, my friends, my boyfriend and even my hobbies. Although I made a point to not let teaching become my life, it has. I can’t stop that anymore. When I come home between 4 to 5pm, I take an hour to eat, shower, pack my lunch and pick out my outfit. If I have meetings, class or other things, then I don’t go home. By the time I finish those things, maybe it’s 7 or 8. Some nights it’s even 9 by the time my last meeting is over. When those obligations are over, I still have my obligations for teaching the next day: revising lesson plans, creating materials, grading, posting materials, the list is endless.
The list doesn’t end because there are sticky notes and to-do lists all over my phone, bookbag, and computer. My life is student teaching right now and dealing with discomfort and constantly moving. In the fall, I was cruising and not constantly thinking “what plans do I have to finish next?” Some of you might be thinking, “that’s so terrible, why would you do that?” Because I love to teach. I love when a student trusts me and tells me something personal, or we share a laugh together or a story about TV shows we like. I love now being able to see their faces and know when they’re down or when they have a smile on their face. I like talking to parents to let them know that their kid is doing well or talking to them to try to find a solution when things aren’t going great.
Though I love teaching no matter how tiring it is on my body or mental health, I have lost a part of me. I’ve lost the artist that likes to paint on a sunny day. I’ve lost the nature girl that likes to sit by the creek and look for rocks. I’ve lost the bookworm that finishes a book in a few days and looks for the next one. I’ve lost the bracelet maker that was trying to learn new patterns for friendship bracelets. I’ve lost the drive to try to find a side hustle that fits for me. I haven’t had a self care night with a good beauty routine in months. I’ve lost date nights with my boyfriend, weekends playing Jeopardy with my mom, hangouts with my friends and a lot more. Again, you might be saying “now I know she’s insane! She gave up everything for a job.” No, I didn’t.
I didn’t give up those things at all. I lost the time to do those things to make way for the thing I love most. I have always loved being a powerful person in my career and doing the most I can to advance myself. I love to attend conferences to gather materials, network with people around the country and learn new things. I like to stay updated on issues in my field. But I’ve only lost time because I’ve recategorized my priorities. My career comes second right now to my family (which includes my boyfriend and his family). The hobbies I enjoy like painting, reading and exploring have just been put on the back burner to simmer. They enrich me as a person and are a release when everything becomes truly too much.
Hobbies are allowed to be put on the back burner and become something you do when you have time for. People can tell me “iF yOU LoVe iT, mAkE TiME foR iT,” and that is true. I love my mom and brother and dog. I love my boyfriend and his family. They are all my priority and I make time for them. My career is also a priority and it requires a lot of my time, too. My hobbies aren’t eliminated from my life, they’re just on the back burner right now. That is completely acceptable, and if you find yourself in that same situation, don’t feel bad. Life happens, but life finds a way.
HCXO,
Cecilia