So I’ve noticed something recently and it has been bothering me. Why are some people so judgemental about having sex or not?! I mean I always thought that your body is your choice, but it seems like the older generations think you should keep your legs closed. While newer generations can be very open when it comes to having sex, but then sometimes I see the criticism towards people who don’t want to have sex. IT’S SO CONFUSING! It seems like everyone has an opinion on what you should and shouldn’t do. So here is my question, is it better to have sex, or be a virgin?
As a virgin, I see things through a different lens. On one hand, I know and have been told a lot, on the other, I have no physical experience and that’s okay. I feel like people try to treat virgins like they are innocent and clueless about sex. That we don’t really want to or don’t know how to talk about it. Newsflash, that’s not the case anymore. Just because we haven’t dove into the wonderful world that is sex, doesn’t mean that people have to tiptoe the subject around us. Many treat it as a ticking time bomb and people keep asking when it’s going to happen. Here’s the thing, don’t rush it. Everyone has their own plan for when they want to pop that cherry. It could be today, tomorrow, or even years from now. But don’t obsess over it or why you haven’t lost it yet. It’s just simply not your time. And if your friends are making fun of you for it, tell them to stop. Just because they’ve done it doesn’t mean that you won’t in the future.
You can be the horniest human ever and still be a virgin.
You can simp over fictional characters and still be a virgin.
You can read so much “fan fiction” and still be a virgin.
You can even have a boyfriend of many years and still be a virgin.
It’s ok to be a virgin.
It’s also okay to have sex.
I’ve realized growing up catholic that my religion always made a huge deal about doing the deed. The church always taught me that those types of actions should be saved for your husband and that you should never have impure thoughts. Try telling that to a group of hormonal middle schoolers. Anyway, as time went on, I grew to be more open to it once I got to college. Have I done it yet, no, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to or can’t talk about it. People think that losing your virginity is the most scandalous thing to happen to you since puberty. Many treat it as a “temptation from the devil” or say how “you’ve ruined yourself.” I mean have you seen that show Bridgerton? If you haven’t, in the show (set in the regency era), the mothers wouldn’t even tell their daughters what sex was or even how to conceive a child in fear of a ruined reputation. These poor girls didn’t even know anything until they get married, and it’s not just these shows. Movies and books have been made on the topic of how men get patted on the back while women get slut-shamed for having or even thinking about sex. It’s like society holds virginity as this white flower and once you have sex, the flower crumbles and you can never get it to be the way it used to (credits to the example from Jane The Virgin).
So, to all that I say, screw it. If people want to treat me like a whore for sleeping with others and giving in to those “temptations”, then so be it. Or if they wanna say that I am too innocent or a tease for waiting to have sex, then go on ahead. The point is that we shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed for pleasing ourselves the way our body tells us to. If you wanna have sex, go for it! If you wanna save yourself for your wedding day, I’m glad you have goals. But at the end of the day, sex isn’t perfect. Your experience is gonna be so much more different than others. Sex is not as glamorous as they make it seem in the movies no matter how many rom-coms you watch. It can be painful, awkward, messy, or even unappealing. So don’t be afraid to say no.
HCXO,
Valentina Zamora