It was Halloween Day in 2012. The air was crispy with fall delight and spooky anticipation. I was a freshman in high school and was hoping to stumble upon Halloween plans for the evening, despite it being a Thursday. We had decided we were a little too old to be trick-or-treating, but someone would most likely have people over for movies and candy. And there was really only one person who I wanted to invite me over his party for Halloween: Derek.
I had been crushing on Derek for the past two years, and despite short flings and what seemed like flirtatious behavior, we had never made anything official. I wasn’t expecting anything crazy, I was just hoping to get invited. The invite itself was all I needed to feel like I was still relevant, that I still had a chance. The school day was over, and I went home invite-less, but luckily enough for me, about an hour after school I received a text from Derek.
“Hey, some people are hanging out for Halloween tonight, nothing crazy, you should come over.”
My heart lurched but I had to appear casual about it. I cooly replied, “Who’s coming?”
He told me a few of the cross-country guys and my friend Leanne. I happily accepted and texted Leanne, who to my dismay, was invited but couldn’t actually come. Nevertheless, I had the chance to hang out with Derek, and that was good enough for me. I told my mom that Leanne would still be there, afraid she wouldn’t let me attend if she knew it was all guys and me. Given her blessing under false pretenses, my dad drove me over to the address.
It was at the age were you were “too cool,” to wear a costume, so I went over in my neon pink zip-up sweatshirt, jeans, and knock-off Uggs (in a typical freshman in high school type way).
Despite not trick-or-treating, we did walk around to look at costumes. Kyle, one of the friends on the cross-country team, was making weird sounds and running through the streets of children, trying to beat them to houses to get some candy in his street clothes. We all laughed, and I talked about how cute all the little kids were: a strategic tactic, might I add; did Derek care about cute kids’ costumes? Did Derek want children one day? If he does, I am very concerned because he and his teammates picked fun at me and talked about how children are weird. I probably should have realized then, but rather, I let my hand slide closer to Derek in hopes that he would take it. I think he did, but to be honest I’m not sure.
Eventually we fled the chilled fall air and went back to Derek’s house. The guys talked about putting on a Halloween movie, but then to my dismay decided to play a video game. No matter, Derek wasn’t playing, and told me to join him on the bean bag. The boys started playing a WWE fighting game where you can design your character. They decided to make a woman covered in hair like a sasquatch to be their fighter, which they found very humorous.
I was just sitting, snuggled into Derek’s arm, laughing at their idiocy, enjoying my moment with Derek. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt a weird obtrusion in my mouth. Is this a tongue?…It’s not my tongue…it’s Derek’s! My first kiss! And a French one! How crazy is this! I was so awestruck over my first kiss Derek pulled away and I realized I had done nothing. Oh no! He’s pulled away! I didn’t do anything! Bring him back, bring him back! My inner thoughts cried. With a strange amount of confidence I wouldn’t have thought possible from 15-year-old Alyssa, I grabbed the back of his head and said “Come back here,” as I pulled his face back to mine. I started doing funny things with my tongue, I didn’t know what I was doing, but I liked it. I thought, This is it, this is what I’ve been waiting for…Derek is finally mine!
Michael Jackson said it best, in a true Halloween fashion I suddenly felt like…someone was watching me. I stopped doing strange things with my tongue and looked up. Standing DIRECTLY over our bean bag, and staring with wide eyes was Ethan, kind of the oddball on the team who by the way, wasn’t invited but just showed up.
“Uhh…hi?” I said as Ethan peered down over us. Suddenly, in a room full of guys making hairy women fight each other and being stared at, I wasn’t in much of a kissing mood.
I was the last one to leave, which made me happy because I could get some more private kisses, asking for a “normal one” this time. My dad texted me he was on his way, and Derek walked me to the porch where we waited for my dad together. I was excited about finally getting together when Derek said, “You know we can’t be together right?”
I should have known. Derek wasn’t a “relationship” type guy, or so I thought. Three weeks later he asked out Candice. I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was a very frightful Halloween indeed.
Never fear ladies, I eventually learned how to kiss, and I did find true love (only two years later I was spending my first Halloween with my now fiance!). In this scary world of ghosts and goblins, witches and ghouls, Halloween only lasts for the night and then the warm morning light beacons a new day. Hopefully your first kiss was more romantic than mine, but importantly, that your last first kiss is fills you with warmth like hot apple cider on a cold day. Most importantly, I hope that you find the laughter in each and every circumstance.
May your exes stay scary and your future be sweet like Halloween candy, ladies.
Happy Halloween!
Stay spooky my friends.
HCXO,
Lyss
*All photos courtesy of giphy.com