As I sit on campus writing this, I cannot fathom how I got myself here. From the moment that seemed like it would never arrive, even if I begged it to, to the inevitable date of graduation creeping up week by week. I like to say that I am excited for this new adventure. I like to tell my friends and family that the unknown gives me a thrill. But in reality, the only thing I will not miss from college is the never ending list of assignments and obligations. As for everything else, I just try not to think about it.
To my freshman year self, wow have you grown. I look back at pictures and do not even recognize myself, both physically and mentally. While at the time I felt I was the most independent and confident I would ever be, I am happy to report I am even more so now. My first year of college was the first time in my life I ever felt like I could breathe. When before I was in school, dancing almost every night of the week and working when I was not, now I only danced once a week and no longer had a job. Freshman year was the calm I needed to get through the next four years.
To my sophomore year self, sometimes I feel like I am still you. The pandemic seemed to have that affect on a lot of people though, so I will admit, I do not feel alone in that. 19 was a year of self development and extremely hard work. While I continued my education at the last place I wanted to, my hometown, I also worked full time to save money for the first time in my life. And with that hard work I bought my first ever big purchase, a car. It was one of the most exciting days of my life and I still get giddy driving it two years later. Living what felt like multiple lives at once was never easy, but getting back to campus was what kept me going.
To my junior year self, I am sorry. Not that I have any power over the past, but if I could, I would go back and hug that girl. The girl who was often alone in her battles and felt so misunderstood. The girl who had no idea if she would come out of this in tact. I have never been more proud of a version of myself. I somehow continued with school, work, friends, and life, even when they felt like the most impossible tasks. It is a privilege to live soundly and I very quickly realized this my junior year.
To my senior year self, you did it. Not that I ever doubted that I would graduate, but I certainly had my days. And while I reminisce on the last four years, I am reminded of how much I have accomplished as a person. If I have one thing to be proud of, it is that. Not my grades, not my social life, or how many clubs I could manage without going off the deep end. It is me. I like her a lot and I cannot wait to see what the next four years bring her way.
So, to my past selves, know that I am proud of you because it was you that got me here today. Know that I will never take for granted what you endured, and know that I love you very much.
HCXO,
Gabby