My boyfriend has been acting a little odd lately. He doesn’t lay with me anymore, compliment me at all like before, and today he’s barely talked to me. When he DOES answer my texts, they’re short or one word answers. I’m worried. What should I think?
Robbie: How busy is he with school or work? Sometimes when people are under a lot of stress they kind of shut themselves off from everyone to some degree because they have so much going on. I’d like to think that that may be the case, but if he doesn’t compliment you or lay with you anymore, then something might be a little off. Try suggesting having a date night or just getting together to do something fun. If he says no, doesn’t seem enthused about that or doesn’t respond at all, then I think you should let him know that you guys ought to get together to let him know about your concerns. In the mean time though, don’t blow up his phone or send concerned texts saying, “Why don’t you talk to me?” or “Did I do something wrong?” Some guys get scared away, annoyed or freaked out if you get on their case about that sort of thing. Test the waters with the date night suggestion and if he reacts in the ways that I listed, then its time you guys had a little chat about what’s going on between you two.
Bri: Talk to him, it’s better to ask him and have an honest conversation than just sitting and making assumptions. He might not be feeling the relationship anymore, or he could be having a bad day. See how the conversation goes (do it in person if possible) and gauge his reactions. If he’s open and honest with you, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. If he’s hesitant and seems like he’s being dishonest, then maybe you need to bring up your concerns.
There’s a girl I met just recently and we really hit it off. There’s a great chemistry between us but we’ve only known each other for a few months. I’m hesitant to pursue a “relationship” for a variety of reasons, but I don’t want to push her away.
Robbie: Has one of you voiced your attraction to the other, or stated in anyway that you like the other? If that’s the case, then I think you should let her know your position on the matter, and reasons for not wanting to pursue a relationship. It’s never a bad thing to be honest with someone in the long run, especially if you like the person. From there just try staying friends and hanging out, until you feel the time is right for you both to be together. I wouldn’t keep her waiting too long though, of course. If neither of you has confessed your attraction to the other, then I would just keep things as friendly as they have been for the time being until you feel you are ready to be in a relationship. In either case, if she’s a good enough friend and cares about you, you won’t push her away nor will she consider running away. If she doesn’t get pushed away or run away, that’s the mark of a good, loyal girl and you should definitely pursue something.
Bri: There are three incredibly important things you can do in this situation: 1. Be honest. 2. Be open 3. Don’t lead her on. You obviously must care about her if you’re so concerned with not pushing her away. Keep that in mind. Great chemistry is important and sometimes rare these days. Why are you so hesitant? Is it bad experience with girls? Concerns about the future? Talk to her, bring the reasons up and maybe you guys can work something out. It’s important to bring up concerns now, rather than down the road. There has to be a reason that you can’t let her go, considering you’re hesitant about furthering the relationship. If you don’t want to push her away, then don’t! Keep in mind that life is short, you only really have one chance to find out what’s gonna work and what’s not. Maybe giving it a shot is the best thing to do, maybe it’s not. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth giving it a shot despite your fears. Sometimes fear blinds us from how wonderful something can be. Personally I’m all about trying new things and hey, if it doesn’t work out, you gave it a shot and you can [hopefully] go back to being good friends.
So I told my ex I still have feelings for him and he said he wasn’t sure how he felt cause of his life being upside-down right now. I told him I would be there for him and he said he misses me. I tried texting him as a friend and nothing. What should I do?
Robbie: Just be there for him, and help see him through this difficult time that he’s having. Still keep friendly contact with him, but be as loyal and dedicated to him as you would be if you guys were still dating. At the end of the day, he’ll remember that you were there for him through it all and that maybe there’s still something there.
Bri: If he’s not responding, it might be his way of letting you know he’s not interested in keeping you around or that he’s not ready to have you around again. Sometimes things just can’t be revived and it’s best to walk away, this may be a hint that that’s how he feels. Give it some time and see if he tries to contact you. The ball is in his court now.
I have a friend that is not good for me to be around. How do I “break up” with her?
Robbie: I would be up front with her. Let her know what’s concerning you, and how/why everything she’s doing isn’t good for you at this juncture in your life. The mark of a true friend is how brutally honest they can be with you. If she cares enough or takes what you say into any consideration then maybe she’ll change. If that’s the case, then give her that chance to change and see where it takes you. If she responds negatively or doesn’t change, then just cut your ties there. That way you can at least say that you were honest about everything.
Bri: I’ve been in this situation and it’s tough. You can take two routes when it comes to this: You can be honest with her and tell her that you’re realizing you need more positive people in your life and think it’s for the best if you and her are no longer friends. Or you could take the more common approach and ignore her. I’d honestly try to find a nice mix of the two, but I know how that can get.
So there’s this guy that I like, but he’s the sweet, shy type and I’m more of an aggressive go-getter. I don’t know how to let him know that I’m interested without scaring him off. How can I be subtle and still get my point across?
Robbie: You just need to break him out of his shell a little. Suggest going out lunch or coffee with him. If you guys have a class together, suggest getting together to study. After doing stuff like that (if you live in Wellness, Brookwood, or off-campus), maybe suggest hanging out to watch a movie or make dinner together. Be flirty with him, in a playful manner that is. Text him every now and then just see how he’s doing or how his week is going. After a little while if he hasn’t made a move but there’s an attraction, then be bold and make the first move. Regardless of his reaction, at least you gave it a shot.
Bri: Well, you don’t wanna scare him off right away. Maybe just send him a text or Facebook message and be like, “Hey what’s up?” Start some small talk and let him warm up to you. Sooner or later he’s going to realize you guys have two different personalities (hey, this sort of thing totally works sometimes. It’s true when people say opposites (sometimes) attract). Just remember he’s shy and be sure to be careful and you should be okay.
Lancaster seems to be lacking in the entertainment department. Yeah, there’s a ton of pizza places to gather at with friends, a handful of cool pianos downtown, but that’s it. Any suggestions for weekend fun?
Robbie: If you guys are into art, there are tons of art galleries along Prince Street to check out. On the first Friday of every month, the shops and galleries empty out on to the sidewalks of Queen and Prince streets. Tons of people usually turn out for that. One the third Friday of every month, the same thing usually happens, except instead of businesses and galleries, local bands and musicians line the streets and play for people. Also, if the time of the year is right, the Lancaster Barnstormers games at Clipper Magazine Stadium are always a good time.
Bri: Do you like music? Go to a show at the Chameleon Club, it’s usually relatively cheap and there’s usually something going on on the weekends, even if it’s just local music (which I love). The Lizard Lounge is located below the Chameleon Club, just make sure you check for age restrictions on that one. From what I hear, there’s a decent bar scene in Lancaster and Jack’s is right around the corner from campus. On MU’s campus, the University Activity Board usually has events on Fridays and Saturdays and sometimes during the week. There’s some neat little shops in Lancaster, and there’s also the mall, which the bus can take you to for free. Harrisburg isn’t terribly far away and York is a pretty big town. If you’re up for the road trip, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York City are all within driving distance! Also, check out the Her Campus Millersville posts Sam Ragghianti writes about local events!