Are You Settling In Your Relationship?

Everyone wants to believe that their relationship is perfect and that their partner is the best. No one likes hearing that there may be issues within their relationship; but I think it’s time for a little bit of tough love. Many people become complacent for various reasons and deal with unhealthy behavior. Even if your relationship isn’t “unhealthy;” could you be doing better? Is your relationship actually the best it could be?  Take a second to evaluate.

1. Does your partner respect you?

Obviously, this sounds like a no brainer. Your partner needs to respect you; there are no ways to refute that. This isn’t always done in grand or dramatic ways, but often the smaller ways. Comments that inadvertently put you down or make you seem less significant than the other are warning signs.


2. Does your partner support you as an individual and your endeavors?

Sometimes opportunities arise that are great for the individual but can produce strain on the relationship. For example, if you get a job in a location away from them, though it’s hard, they need to support you to go for it because they care more about you than your relationship. This should translate to all things; do they care about your projects, your family, your career goals, your interests?


3. Do they care about your values?

“Opposites attract, right?” Well, maybe on some personality differences or interests, but big issues like religion or politics, you definitely want to make sure your beliefs align. The principles people shape themselves off of are obviously crucial to who they are, and they need to line up with what you believe to be true as well.


4. Do they get along with your family and friends?

I think this is often dismissed or disregarded, but your family and friends certainly have your best interest in mind. If they all say that they don’t like your partner, they probably have a sound reason. Don’t let advice from others interfere too much, but certainly be aware of your loved ones giving you valid reasons of why your partner may not be a good fit for you.


5. Are you threatened by media pressures?

A strong, healthy relationship does not need constant reassurance that is a solid relationship; you already know. I think often seeing the posts on social media about #relationshipgoals or things of that nature can often evoke feelings that your relationship isn’t measuring up. Remember, everyone polishes what they put on social media. That shouldn’t threaten your relationship.


6. How do you handle fights?

First of all, let’s move away from the idea that happy couples don’t fight. All couples fight, but you know the strong relationships by how fights are handled. When fighting, make sure each person is listening to the other, and not just trying to justify themselves. You each need to understand what they did that upset you, apologize, and try to never do it again. When the issue is resolved, it’s resolved, meaning, they can’t make passive aggressive comments about it for months. Also, fights should be handled in privacy between the two of you, don’t fight in public or talk about their wrongdoing to someone before you get the chance to ask your partner about it.


7. Can you voice your concerns?

You should never feel stifled in your relationships, if something is bothering you, you need to comfortable to talk about it. This can be about your partner, political views, literally anything.

8. Does your partner always do the same thing they’re “sorry” for?

If your partner repeatedly does something you don’t like after it is addressed, they are not sorry, and they don’t care about your feelings. Make sure apologies are authentic and followed by action.


9. Has your partner cheated?

To be blunt, if someone cheats on you they don’t love you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t love you.


10. Are they attentive to your needs?

Relationships are really just about loving someone, however that may look. Sometimes you really just need someone to talk to, sometimes you need a gentle shove to do something, and sometimes you need basic physical needs like sleep or food; your partner should always be willing to help you out with whatever you need.


11. Is your partner your best friend?

Relationships shouldn’t be rocket science. It is so important that you are able to just kick back and fun together. You should make each other laugh, do things you love and try new things. Your partner is someone you are going to share your world with; make sure it’s someone you enjoy being with.


12. Do they make time for you?

If your partner really is crazy about you they will make the time to see you; even if they need to go a distance or the increments are short. Remember, we make time for what matters to us.


13. Does your partner put you above him or herself?

You should always be your partners priority, they should be willing to take care of you and help in any circumstance.


14. Do you and your partner have similar visions for your future together?

Talking about your relationship is a great way to show that you are serious about the other person and you want to be with them; but sometimes that desire itself isn’t enough. Have conversations about what you’re looking for in the future, things like children, where you want to live, big goals, etc. Disagreements on such crucial decisions have the potential to be fatal to a relationship; therefore, it is important to be on the same page or at least discuss differences so you can avoid potential issues.

15. Do they love you unconditionally?

Your partner should love you for the beautiful soul you are, not for the cool things you do or are into. A good partner knows everything about you, and loves you all the more for it; they can’t be scared away by mistakes or shortcomings, they know that that’s what made you to who you are and grow to help you grow even more.


16. Do you do all these things for your partner?

This sounds like a lot to ask of one person; but it’s not just them, relationships only work if both of you are all in. You need to make sure you respect them, support them and their endeavors, have the same values, get along with their family and friends, aren’t threatened by the media, listen to them during fights, let them voice their concerns, don’t keep doing the same thing they don’t like, don’t cheat, are attentive to their needs, are their best friend, make time for them, put them above yourself, agree with their future plans, and love them unconditionally.


Hopefully your relationship passed with flying colors. I know this seems daunting, but if your relationship is strong then you know it. I think too often people get comfortable with subpar and too nervous to try to look for something better. Please do not settle, you are a wonderful person with so much to offer, find a person who recognizes that. Remember the quote, “The only person who deserves you is the one who thinks they don’t.”


*All images courtesy of Pinterest and