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Walk of Shame 101

As the school year winds down to a close, it has come to my attention that out of any and all possible issues that I have addressed on here, the most prominent one has been left out. Whether you’re saying sayonara to your freshman year or have reached that stage of “I’m not really leaving here am i?” (seniors, I’m talking to you), the issue that most girls, and even guys, can relate to is the ever so popular Walk Of Shame.  You all know what I’m talking about too - those girls who stumble in at ten, eleven, and sadly sometimes one in the afternoon, with their heels in hand, makeup astray, looking down to avoid the judging stares of their respective peers.  We all look on, hiding the smirk playing upon our lips, as the smell of sex enters the room, right when you leave it. I can’t tell you how many times I have witnessed these girls walking through the lobby of my residential college, hoping, praying and wishing that no one notices them. Well, I’m not so sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we do. Now that we are all about to embark on summer and come back into the new school year with a fresh start, it is high time I lay down some ground rules so that situations like these can be avoided.

Step 1: Come back in a change of clothes.
Nothing screams walk of shame like walking around in the day time still wearing that short, somewhat slutty, yet still classy, dress you wore to South Beach or the Grove that night. Not only will you probably still reek of alcohol, but to say its inappropriate to be walking around in that kind of attire during business hours, is perhaps one of the biggest understatements of the year. When leaving the house of the person you spent the night with, make sure to grab the necessities: clean shirts, some type of basketball shorts, and if a shirt cannot be found go for the next best thing, the hoodie. Most guys are usually more than willing to lend you their clothes. You should take the initiative to return them because not only does that give you an excuse to see him again, assuming you want to see him again, that is.

Step 2: Come back before anyone is awake.
This is a step I have personally utilized once, okay maybe twice. Why? Because it makes the most sense. What college student is awake before the hours of 10 a.m. on a weekend? Before you fall asleep after having your fun with your prize for the night, make sure to roll over and set your alarm for 8 a.m. at the latest because we all know that when it goes off, it’s going to take you at least thirty to forty minutes to just get out of bed. But trust me, it’s much more sensible to walk back in the a.m. without anyone but the desk assistants or your security guards seeing you, than having a whole wind of your peers watching. Plus, you’re back early enough that you can change into the baggiest clothes you have and crash hard-in your own bed.

Step 3: Grab a little plastic baggie (or two) for your clothes.
No matter how cute your outfit was last night, I guarantee no one else wants to see it the next day. That being said, the best way to hide your walk of shame is to shove everything you wore into a plastic bag to discreetly hide it. That way when you’re walking back to your dorm or room, it simply looks like you were coming from your boyfriend’s house - and who doesn’t like to be thought of as the girl who is dating someone rather than the other girl?
Step 4: Clean your face.
This should be a common sense thought in and of itself. Even if you don’t have the proper tools to clean your face (cleanser, exfoliator, toner etc), you would generally be surprised at the miracles that something as simple as soap and water can do. Water by itself will make your face look twenty times better than just leaving your smudged black eyeliner, which by now is probably halfway down your face. Take five minutes out of your hurried morning to go into the bathroom and wash off all your makeup.
Step 5: Last but not least: Own your walk.
It’s only shameful if you think it is. If you can’t find a change of clothes, can’t touch up your make up or at least take it off, then put on that dress and those toe biting heels and own your walk and make everyone think that you meant to be dressed like that-confidence is key and if you exude it then no one will dare try and question it.
Walks of shame are an inevitable part of college life. They will happen to your best friend, your frenemie, your roommate and yes, even you. It’s how you do your walk of shame though that matters, after all the name would not have come about had some poor girl at some college in some state come back in the morning looking less then classy. And if you ever find yourself troubled about your walk of shame remember this: It’s not a walk of shame, if you look damn good..

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