1. Don’t be too ambitious.
Trying too hard to be successful makes you look like you have real goals, you know, other than finding a husband and having children. Plus, being an inferior in your workplace makes you look more youthful, making it even easier to find that perfect partner!
2. Don’t have a firm handshake
Women are way too delicate to firmly shake hands. They’ll just shatter like a piece of glass! You also don’t want to seem too confident. Women are supposed to be timid and insecure, duh.
3. Always wear tight skirts.
Anything to distract men from your work ethic. Definitely don’t wear anything too baggy, or even a pantsuit. It makes men feel uncomfortable! Don’t you know looking sexy and feminine is the best way to keep your job?
4. Your hair and makeup always has to be on fleek.
At all hours of the day, even when your sleeping. God forbid you look the slightest bit unkept when your boss calls you in at 2 am to finish paperwork. Except, not too much makeup because that makes you look unprofessional.
5. Make sure you’re either a secretary, assistant, or receptionist.
Anything else is way too difficult for women to juggle. Who’s going to take care of the kids and cook dinner? Leave the important stuff to the big boys.
6. Don’t speak up.
Or better yet, just don’t speak at all. What ideas can women contribute anyway? What color the new curtains should be?
7. Keep quiet about all personal information.
Even the mention of anything personal can make you seem emotionally unstable. What are you thinking? Are you on your period!?
8. Be wary of other female colleagues.
All women are snakes and want to take each other down. Don’t trust them. Even if they’re nice to you!
9. Accept all unsolicited advice and criticism gratefully.
Because your new junior male colleague definitely is qualified to tell you how to do your job, especially when he started a week ago and you’ve been there for three years. He’s just trying to help!
10. Always be flattered when colleagues make sexual advances on you.
Make no mistake, these are just compliments! Plus, no reason to be worried for your safety. I mean, no women have been hurt by just accepting that this is the way things are! Oh wait…