We’ve all had that one really weird coworker that shares way too much personal information, eats their salad with a spoon, or defies stereotypes bizarrely, especially in the minimum wage workplace. I’ll never forget the day I walked into a flashmob in the back, where my boss was twerking and shouting “my neck, my back” with another employee. Although I turned around and walked back out at the time, now I’d like to share my top three weirdest coworker experiences.
1. Way TMI
You know that coworker that takes a ten-minute break for every five minutes of work? Well, I did. Every time I turned around, the server that I was often partnered with ran off to the bathroom to use his juul. When I confronted him about it, he gave the strangest excuse. Here’s how that conversation went:
“Are you going somewhere?” I asked, crossing my arms and glaring at him.
“Bathroom,” he shrugged and turned to leave.
“You just went to the bathroom ten minutes ago,” I stated flatly. He glanced over his shoulder at me and shrugged.
“Now I have to take a shit.”
“You’ve been to the bathroom four times since your shift started an hour ago!”
“The average human poops seven times a day, Allie! I haven’t met my limit yet.”
Needless to say, I wasn’t entirely sure how I was supposed to respond to that fun fact, so I let that bathroom trip slide, but Jeff definitely didn’t get away with anymore “bathroom breaks” that evening.
2. Silk or satin?
I had a variety of odd experiences with the cooks in specific, but the most memorable experience was the one cook who struggled to keep his pants above his knees despite the belt that he wore every day. Of course, dress code was enforced during open hours, but during cleaning, the managers disappeared to the office.
One day, when this cook had just gotten up off of the floor and had his pants halfway down his thighs, a coworker stated, “So, I have a question.”
“Yeah?” Troy was still cleaning and didn’t see her smirk at me.
“Do you put your belt on before or after you pull your pants up?” Troy turned around, looked at his pants and then to the other woman and I.
“Don’t look at me like that. I wear silk undies!” He exclaimed, as if the fabric of his boxers justified the status of his pants.
“Ever tried cotton?” I asked.
“I have a sensitive coochi!” He exclaimed, as if we had offended or wounded him. The other employee looked at me with her eyebrows raised and we walked away.
3. Does anyone keep seran wrap in their car, by chance?
For the variety of people I worked with, we had to have someone represent the chaotic evil alignment. Therefore, I was only slightly surprised when I heard the cook shout, “Hey Mary, I tried to seran wrap your office door!”
“How did that work?”
“I had to take it down, but I used a lot of seran wrap.” The cook said.
I still can’t help but wonder what possessed the cook to cover the office door with seran wrap. Whatever his intentions, we were unable to keep any of the day’s soups because we had no wrap to keep them from spilling in while we moved them.
3. Finger Weiner
Among all of the weird things I’ve ever seen in my entire life, this is one of my favorite stories. I was having a rough day and finding it difficult to act as if the exact temperature of my customers’ food mattered to me. Another server that I’ll refer to as Will noticed my mood and tried to cheer me up in an unorthodox way. Will asked me if I “wanted to see something,” a phrase that should always be an obvious tell. I cautiously asked what he meant and he told me to wait one second. He turned his back to me and then rotated to face me again… with his index finger through the open zipper of his jeans. Before I could comprehend what he was doing, he wiggled his “finger weiner” and said “hello” in a weird tella-tubby voice. Automatically my most memorable work experience, for better or worse.
Only a week later, the same boy was on break while I was walking to the parking lot to go home. This boy was outside as well. He started a light conversation, then hopped onto the hood of my car. I jokingly told him to get off or I would drive home with a person on my car. In response. He pretended to get off as I got into my car, then sat on my hood again and scooted his butt up my windshield directly over the driver’s seat while I was attempting to start my car! I got out and asked him what the hell he was doing. He got down, but he thought it was the absolute funniest thing he’d ever seen.