Social media has turned into a game and we are being played. It has given our generation brand new “rules,” which are actually reshaping how we think, feel and act in relationships.
This game applies to all forms of social media. We post pictures trying to score the most likes by spending time trying to find the perfect filter and the most creative caption. And then we wait, with our phone in hand for something Snapchat Story worthy to happen, because the one with the coolest, most fun story gets the most points.
This social media game has transitioned into our love lives (or shall I say hookups) as well. A successful post isn’t successful until you get a like from him, and you can’t help but obsessively check if he has seen your super fun Snap Story. Admit it, when you have a crush, social media is the best way to casually communicate with him and the rule for snagging a bf is by keeping it as casual as possible.
Basically, whoever cares less wins. You’ll casually meet up at The Woods – because you know that’s obviously his go-to bar (or more accurately, you just saw his Snapchat). There’s a certain immaturity to how we virtually interact, and we probably know it, but we do it anyway.
The progress of a relationship is guided virtually. Hayley Berg, a senior at Miami University, explained, “The progression is now something like Facebook friends, casual Instagram follow, some Insta likes, texting, and then maybe [a] hookup or date.”
Sounds about right.
If you eventually text your crush, chances are it’s only when you’re out at night– because a sober hangout means sh*t is getting serious. It is the next level and you never want to be the one to initiate a sober hangout. Is that why people try to sneak out before the other person wakes up? To avoid holding a sober conversation? Great, soon you’ll graduate college without ever experiencing a traditional date, and if you do go on one, you might feel reluctant and will probably have to pregame it a little for some liquid courage.
When you see a recent picture of him with a girl that just gets under your skin, you’re annoyed, but you can’t admit it. You aren’t supposed to care. Instead you do the same thing and Instagram a picture of you with that hot guy in your COM class. Casual, right? Regarding the social media game with relationships, Anna Springer, a senior at Miami University, said, “I think social media adds a lot of stress to relationships because people have access to way too much information. Especially with casual hookups, you usually don’t know a lot about the person, but you are able to see into their whole life and make judgments, which isn’t really fair.”
There are “rules” regarding when it’s your turn to text first (although we try to never be the first). But who said the guy has to text first? Ladies, take some initiative. We tell ourselves we have to get the upper hand in every situation; we can’t possibly be honest about what we think or feel. Getting used to how impersonal our virtual communication is causes us to act like we don’t care, but then we find ourselves Facebook stalking.
You go from stalking your crush and learning his dog’s name to stalking the girls in pictures with him and before you know it, you know way too much and find yourself jealous. You have caught the virtual jealousy epidemic. Sometimes, we refer to this feeling of virtual jealousy as FOMO. If you are around the age of 20 and in college, you should know this means, “fear of missing out.” Yes, our generation – which according to Nielsen spends around 55 minutes a day on Facebook – has come up with a name to call this recurring feeling. There are even blogs titled “How To Make Your Ex Jealous Through Facebook.” Coming up with something extra cool to do or extra hot to wear, we find ourselves doing things in life just for the picture or the post to show our friends (only our most intimate 1,500 friends, obviously). The millennials sure know how to spend their time wisely.
As Jyotsna Sharma, also a Miami senior, so adequately put it, “if you’re at the rec and it isn’t packed, you’re probably missing out on some big party.”
In this game, you get pushed back 15 yards when FOMO kicks in. If you are tired and just want to watch a rom-com then go to bed early to catch up on some zzz’s, chances are you won’t, solely because of FOMO. You begin to wonder what your friends are doing (or who your crush is with) so you can’t help but interrupt whatever you’re doing to check your phone, and suddenly you have never been more aware of what you are not doing.
Springer explained, “FOMO comes more with the ‘real-time’ media platforms because you’re feeling left out at the particular moment while you’re sitting at home, not with your friends.” Maybe we don’t want to ever miss out, because we do not want “The Curse of the Blitz.” If you watch How I Met Your Mother you know what I’m referring to. With this curse, something amazing and almost miraculous seems to happen only when someone (the blitz) isn’t present. For example, a penny landed on its side after a coin toss once the blitz left the room.
It’s the possibility of missing something better that causes us to check live feeds during a family dinner or a movie. How many of us can go over two hours without checking our phone? 30 minutes? Probably not many. And what does that say about our attention span?
Life is not about waiting for something extraordinary to happen. We sit helplessly, feeling the FOMO instead of living in the present. At Miami, the virtual world is slowly taking over the “real world.” Just because a guy is on her top friends in Snapchat or they have so many pictures together we assume they are hooking up. The fact that we are obsessed with casual makes us overthink every little thing. We do so because we simply aren’t meant to live “casual lives.” We’ve all heard way too many conversations of girls analyzing texts and saying, “Ok he added a wink emoji, he totally wants you,” or “Now you obviously have to wait an hour to respond.” It’s real and most of us do it, but we have to stop letting virtual social networks waste so much of our time while we try to find the hidden meaning behind our so-called casual interactions.
We depict every part of a message and overthink whether the period at the end implies anger. The overthinking goes down to wondering why it says your message has been read, but you haven’t received a response. Anxiously, you start wondering what your friend could be thinking, while you obsessively check if he/she is typing or if your phone simply forgot to buzz.
Here is something that will probably blow your mind: it’s okay to miss out!
It’s okay to not be doing the coolest thing ever at all times. We have to stop letting virtual social networks guide our lives so much, especially with our broken hookup culture. When you let FOMO get to you, you’re really missing out on your own life. Enjoy your nights in and look up from your screen on your walk to class. After all, we go to the college on the most beautiful campus on the planet.