Fall: Hazard's for a Klutz

By Kay Connelly

I will admit that I am not certain, being a transfer student, but rumor has it that Miami Autumns are stunning. It is not hard to imagine how gorgeous the rich and robust foliage on campus! Fall invites drizzles of rain and crisp winds reminiscent of the apples you desire to sink your teeth into.

I anticipate sipping a warm chai from one of Oxford’s indigenous cafes while strolling along sidewalks with fallen leaves scattered about, friends laughing as we enjoy our lazy Saturday outfitted in comfy knit sweaters, flannels, skinny jeans, scarves, and messy buns.

However dream-like my vision, the Autumn may prove a nightmare for klutzes like me. A steamy PSL is bound to wind up all over my plaid and however cute my boots may be, somehow I trip over them right in front of several of the many cute guys. There are unfortunate consequences for clumsy people, like me.

So, without further ado, here are some of the tragedies associated with being clumsy:

1) Fall Treats- Our coordination is not up to the challenges associated with baking a pie or cooking up chili. Inevitably,  we burn ourselves on the stove and/ or end up with a mess all over our shirts.

2) A night at home- Even cuddling up with a novel, crosswords, or sudoku, we run the risk of emergency room worthy paper-cuts. In solitude, we wrap ourselves in bubble wrap to watch scary movies on Netflix while posing less of a risk to ourselves. There is nothing comfy or cozy about this.

3) Relationships- If we’re lucky, we’ll snuggle and fall for each other. Let’s just hope we, klutzes, don’t step on our date’s toes first!

4) Halloween-To our dismay Harley Quinn is equipped with no bulletproof vest, helmets, goggle, bubble wrap, or anything that will aid her in her rebellious attitude. So, we most likely will never strut the cool costumes. In the meantime, we just need to mind our “butterfingers” with the candy.

6) Carving pumpkins- Are there knives involved? Enough said…

7) Piles of leaves-We might love to crunch them, but we might be crunched first.

8) Fall Break- Just hoping we don’t Fall or Break ourselves…