Valentine’s Day, one of my favorite holidays, is supposed to be a day filled with the sight of pink and red heart-shaped decorations, the taste of rich chocolate, and the fragrance of fresh roses lingering in the air. Most importantly, it’s supposed to be a day spent with your friends or that special someone. Last year, however, I spent mine staring at my phone, realizing that the relationship that I thought I was celebrating had just ended.
It was my senior year in high school, and I was in a relationship with someone who at the time seemed great; he was sweet, funny, and a great listener. Of course, like every couple, we had our conflicts and issues that created tension, but for the most part, we were stable. For the longest time, our relationship felt comfortable and reassuring, and I imagined Valentine’s Day to be a celebration of those feelings and a confirmation that we were ready to move forward together.
However, as I look back, there were just two major issues that are now impossible to ignore. First, our goals were misaligned; I was ambitious and wanted to face my educational and career goals head-on, while he was more of a passive person who didn’t seem to know what he wanted to do after high school. Second, I was still healing from an emotionally abusive relationship that left me vulnerable, hurt, and not completely ready to be in a relationship again.
Nobody ever prepares for getting dumped, especially on one of the most romantic days of the year. For me, I never in a million years imagined that this holiday would be the moment that taught me the most about love, timing, and myself, but sometimes the hardest days end up being the most revealing. When going through a breakup, you experience the different stages of grief, similar to when you experience grief when someone passes away. During the beginning stages of this process, for me, I would constantly wonder “Why me?” and “Why did this have to happen on Valentine’s Day”?
What I learned from this experience is that getting over a breakup is more than just forgiving others for their mistakes and wrongdoings; it’s also about reflecting on your own. That reflection helped me recognize patterns in myself that I needed to break. In those moments of a seemingly never-ending cycle of sadness, vulnerability, self-doubt, and endless questioning, I began to realize that healing required self-awareness, patience, and accountability for my actions. Understanding my own emotional readiness and boundaries became just as important as processing the pain of the breakup itself.
Over time, I also came to realize that timing does not define worth. In fact, I came to understand that the timing of a breakup says a lot more about circumstances than it does about value. Love does not end because someone is suddenly unworthy, and letting go of that belief was one of the biggest steps I had to take in rebuilding my confidence.
The breakup also forced me to rethink what love really looks like and open my eyes and see that it is actually all around me. Everyone knows that Valentine’s Day prioritizes romantic love above all else, but in the aftermath of this, I found comfort in the other forms of love that were just as meaningful. Friends who checked in on me, moments of self-care and self-reflection, and most notably, my amazing mom, who constantly checked in on me and offered advice and my favorite treats to help me feel better. That realization helped shift my perspective away from focusing on what I had lost and towards what I still had and will always have.
Perhaps the most important lesson I learned from this experience was learning how to be okay with myself, even when I felt incredibly uncomfortable. After the breakup, confidence did not come naturally, especially when the protective barrier of being in a relationship was stripped from me, and there were days when even just being alone with my thoughts felt overwhelming. It didn’t help that I was almost exclusively doomscrolling on TikTok and Instagram reels at a time when my feed was loaded with romantic couples’ content. Don’t get me wrong, it took a WHILE, but I eventually began to understand that feeling uncomfortable or unconfident is not a personal failure, but instead, a natural part of healing. What matters is not allowing these moments to hold you back. Even when growth feels painful and awkward, choosing to keep going (especially on the days when it feels the hardest) is, in my opinion, one of the highest forms of self-respect.
Looking back on all of this, getting broken up with on Valentine’s Day didn’t ruin the holiday for me; however, it did redefine it. It taught me that love isn’t just measured by dates on a calendar or by whether someone is in a romantic relationship. Instead, it reminded me that self-worth, ambition, and (most importantly) emotional readiness are far more than maintaining something that no longer serves you. For anyone out there who is navigating a difficult Valentine’s Day, it is okay (and more common than you think) to feel hurt, disappointed, or just overall out of sync with the rest of the world around you. One day out of the year does not define you, and honestly, some of the most unexpected moments in life teach us the most about who we truly are and what we deserve.
For now, though, no matter who you are, enjoy some chocolate and some good food–you deserve it, girl!