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30 Hilariously Awful Jokes

Buckle up for the Laugh Mobile.

1.       Have you heard about the new broom? It’s sweeping the nation.

2.       What do you call a crocodile in a vest? An investigator.

3.       How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.

4.       Have you heard about the guy who had his left side cut off? He’s alright now.

5.       Apparently, you can’t use a toaster in the bath. The news was shocking.

6.       Atheism is a non-prophet organization

7.       My girlfriend became a vegetarian. It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.

8.       What did once ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

9.       I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

10.   What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? “We are both lawyers.”

11.   What animal lives a very stable life style? A horse.

12.   Why was 5 afraid of 7? Because 6 7 8.

13.   Did hear what happened to the butcher that backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

14.   What did one volcano say to the other volcano? “I lava you.”

15.   I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

16.   I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.

17.   I got a job at a blanket factory, but it folded.

18.   What do you call a pig that does karate? A porkchop.

19.   Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.

20.   What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

21.   Need an arc? I Noah guy.

22.   What does a nosy pepper do? He gets jalapeño business.

23.   Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

24.   Why couldn’t the bicycle stand on its own? Because it was two tired.

25.   When the cannibal showed up late the luncheon, he got the cold shoulder.

26.   Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

27.   It was a very emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

28.   I gave away my dead batteries free of charge.

29.   A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.

30.   How do you organize a party in space? You planet.

Poor, poor Pluto.

31.   What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You may think it’s ‘R,’ but alas, his first love be the ‘C.’

32.   How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.

33.   What kind of cheese isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.

34.   A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

35.   What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

36.   Why did the melons have a big wedding? Because they cantaloupe.

37.    I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a big missed steak.

38.   Eating clocks is just so time consuming.

39.   What did one snowman say to the other snowman? “Do you smell carrots?”

40.   What kind of shirts do sea-cows wear? Manatees.


Katie is a sophomore studying English Literature and Anthropology at Mercer University. When not reading for her classes, she is still reading for pleasure! Katie is a major bookworm whose dream in life is to simply read all day (but, unfortunately, being a well-rounded reader doesn't pay the bills) or be a manatee princess...which isn't very realistic either. Other than books and manatees, Katie has a passion for song, piano, and nature. You can often catch her gazing at the clouds or looking up at tree branches. "The stars gleam, the poets dream..." -Jonathan Larson
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