The Stages of Going through a Breakup

Summer is over, and I already know a few couples that have sadly, decided to part ways. It’s never easy to go through a breakup, and sometimes, depending on the relationship, it can leave permanent scars. In my experience, it’s important to know that all the feelings you have for the first month or two will fluctuate a lot. Some days you’ll wake up and decide that it’s best the relationship ended, and other days you’ll find yourself weeping wondering if you’ve lost your soul mate. Even in the same day you could have many different emotions, feelings, and thoughts. Understanding your emotional response to your breakup can help guide you through the mess of emotions your feeling.

 

  1. The “Desperate for Answers” Stage

You don’t understand why this happened, you fixate on the last few days you saw your ex and wonder if you did anything wrong. You think of the last time they said I love you. You try to think of things to contradict what they told you when they broke up with you. The pain is unbearable and you just want answers, even though you probably already have them, but you still search for more responses.

 

   2. Denial

    This isn’t happening, “they’re just confused” you tell yourself. They’ll come back, what we had was real. You feel like you cannot be without your ex, you might even feel like you want to die. You begin channeling your thoughts into hopes that the relationship can be saved, all to avoid the grieving process.

 

  3. Bargaining

    You’re willing to do anything to accept it isn’t over. You promise yourself you’ll be a better partner, you want to correct all the mistakes you made. At this point you don’t see your ex’s flaws anymore, only yours. It’s possible you’re even blaming yourself for everything. You want to believe you can put the relationship on your back and make things right again. Remind yourself how illogical that is, you can’t take responsibility for everything that went wrong. Remember you both contributed to the relationships end.

 

 4. Anger

    Eventually the anger will set in, and it can be empowering. Finally, you think about you, you remember you matter. You begin to see that you deserve better, maybe you even begin to see that your partner wasn’t perfect. It doesn’t matter that you’re angry because finally you feel something that isn’t loss, pain, or grief, the world seems more alive. Channel this anger into a good time, maybe you’ll be sad again the next day, but right in that moment for once, you don’t have to be.

 

 5. Initial Acceptance

    You no longer really think about getting back together, you’re still grieving but it’s different now. You see the reasons the relationship ended and you accept it, to some degree. You accept that it’s not good for you to keep holding on to something that’s over.

 

6. Re-Directed Hope

    You begin to accept more and more that it’s over. You move forward, knowing that your life is going to be different now but that it’ll get better. You aren’t crying every day anymore. Your thoughts on saving the relationship are gone now, and you start to imagine a new life for yourself.

Now matter how many articles you read, videos you watch, there is no cure for a breakup. In the beginning, you can go through the stages of grief within minutes, in order or even out of order. You feel alone, and the world seems gray. Time is the only thing that will help. Eventually, even if you don’t want to accept it initially, you’ll have a new life. Happiness will come back, but the first stage of moving on is acceptance.