For as long as I can remember, I have been afraid of the idea of growing up. I was scared of losing my childhood identity and was fearful of the responsibilities that came along with being an adult. Though I love celebrating my birthday, I found that, especially once I got into my late teenage years, the thought of turning another year older became more and more daunting. This has been exacerbated by the fact that the pandemic has limited my life over the past two years, meaning I have felt like I am missing out on certain experiences that other people my age would have by now if it were not for the pandemic.
In 2020, when I turned 20 years old, it felt like a huge deal. It felt like a monumental shift was about to occur in my life that would change everything. This was really daunting. I remember already struggling with the idea of growing up and exiting my teens, so thinking about how I was starting my 20s, which are romanticized as the best years of your life, during a full-pledged pandemic only added to the pressure that I was running out of time.
The summer before my 20th birthday, I read the book The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now by clinical psychologist Dr. Meg Jay. In this book, Jay discusses her work with young adults in their 20s which she claims to be the “defining decade of our lives.” Though this book left me feeling inspired to “live life to the fullest,” (whatever that may mean) it also left me feeling like I was not doing enough.
I have often heard people discussing the importance of not wasting your youth, specifically your 20s. There is a common discourse about how your 20s have to be the period of your life where you figure it all out – land your dream career, meet your life partner, pin down exactly who you are. I will be honest, as a 21-year-old, I too have felt these were things I needed to accomplish in this decade. However, I understand that this is not a helpful or productive narrative that should be ingrained as the norm.
I find this idea of not “wasting” your 20s to be deeply problematic. The intense pressure to succeed and figure everything out in your 20s is not helpful, especially not during a pandemic where things are constantly changing and so completely out of our control.
Just being, just existing should be enough. It is enough. I am not saying that to “live life to the fullest” is an inherently bad mantra to live by, instead I want to emphasize that it is the implications of this mantra we have adopted where we understand it to mean that we have to figure everything out about our lives in our 20s that is problematic. Instead, we should take it to be as simple as just being present in your life.
One of the things that I have found helpful is finding beauty in the mundanity of most days in my 20s, no matter how boring they may feel, and appreciating the little things. I try to find joy every day in things as small as making a great cup of coffee, having a good conversation with a friend, or watching a powerful movie. I also try to find things to look forward to and romanticize in my everyday life, even if it looks completely different than what I see in the media. The reality of living a good life is living it according to your own desires and goals, not according to social media or other people’s expectations.
If you take anything from this article, let it be that you do not have to figure everything out in your 20s. You are so young, and you have so much time to learn about yourself, your goals, wants, and needs in life. You are enough just as you are.