You see it in the movies, the poems, the Instagram posts, and even just in the music that you listen to every day. Falling in love and finding “the one” is not a new concept. In fact, it has existed long before any of us knew what it was. As you grow older, you see romance and love as something that is no longer just a fairytale, but instead, something that is real and occurring all around you. Your friends start getting into relationships, your siblings also get into relationships, and it seems that everyone is falling in love except for you.
So then you might be wondering, what is love? Why is it so special? Why would you ever want to stay single for a long time?
As someone who has gone through a rough time with love, and not being able to find the “right” person, there are a couple of things that have helped me understand and stay true to myself in this world that is obsessed with ideals of love.
The first thing I have embedded in my head is the concept of a relationship being something I “want” instead of something I “need.” A lot of times, when looking at relationship posts or couple videos on the internet, it can be easy to think of a relationship as something that one “needs” in order to 1. Be happy with ourselves and 2. Be wanted and loved by another person. At the end of the day, as people, what we truly desire and want in life is to find love and be loved by someone that understands us to the full extent. What ends up happening is that we put our self-worth and value on whether or not we have a partner. This thinking is dangerous for a multitude of different reasons.
The most important reason is that happiness should come from within instead of only through another person. The two things that we look for as people in life are (1) a reason and purpose to live, and (2) the ultimate quest of finding what makes us happy. When we go out and look for love in other people, some of us may end up trying to find happiness through them, as well as finding a new reason and purpose to live to the fullest extent. Although it’s exciting and amazing that people can find such happiness through love, when the relationship becomes the only source of happiness for a person, I think that love becomes a bit dangerous.
So then why is it so hard for people to stay single and be content with what they have? One thing that I have learnt from being single is that, if you’re content with yourself when being single, then you will also be content when someone new comes along in life. In this way, they either add or subtract the value of life that you currently live as someone who is single. As long as you’re content with yourself in the first place, you will never truly “lose” or feel as if you’re losing happiness since it was already there in the first place. Sure, you may feel as if you’ve lost a person and routine in life, but adapting and readjusting back to a state of contentment in being single is one of the most powerful and beautiful things that humans are able to do. Although love is a beautiful thing that we all wish to experience, it also may lead us to become blind to the beauty and love that is already around us regardless of our relationship status.
The simple feeling of walking to your favourite park, drinking that first sip of coffee, FaceTiming a friend that you haven’t talked to in a while, or gossiping and complaining about your latest essay that needs to get done are all actions and feelings that seem so mundane and irrelevant, especially when compared to the feelings you get when being infatuated with love. And yet, so much happiness can be found in the mundane.
I feel that it is important to take a moment to breathe and enjoy the simple things that are what makes us humans, and finally, cherish ourselves through it all, even in the moments that leave us feeling lost and alone.