****Disclaimer: contains spoilers for John William’s Stoner****
I recently finished John William’s Stoner, where the definition of fulfillment comes into question: the main character faces heavy contemplation of what they think may fulfill them in life. I found myself relating to the chase of voices, thoughts, goals, and expectations that are not his own, but would grant a fulfilled life. At the time of the protagonist’s death, there seemed to be a mutual agreement between the reader and his character that maybe, his achieved life was not enough while approaching his demise. With his external factors telling him to achieve a little life of marriage and an enriched family life, his end questioned his true passions and his own mental roadblocks that stopped him from getting there. This had me wondering, is there personal fulfillment in little life moments, or does fulfillment reside within the big picture moments of achieving personal aspirations?
Needless to say this book incited a complex crisis within my heart and mind, and my personal epiphany of thinking at my young and old age of 21, it is my time to start chasing self-fulfillment.
As I enter my final weeks of my university career, I think fulfillment was defined by various things that I believed if I attained, I would be the best version of myself. In my personal experience, there seemed to be a “university life” criteria of things to do, people to meet, and a rubric to follow to create a fulfilled experience. I believe I did chase this for a while. However, my time at McMaster has given me fulfillment in friendships, love, responsibilities, and has created a huge sense of self-identity for my younger self to grow into. As I prepare for graduation this coming June, I really am trying to prioritize the mental wellness of fulfillment, following what I want to do, and chasing desire.
Physical and mental well-being is also a large part of fulfillment that I will always pursue or maybe always hope to obtain, and shape a defined concept rather than an idealization. Having an idea of what I want to do with my career and my future life is something that should not bring me anxiety (only to create more anxiety), but rather something to accept and to excite me. After all, isn’t it always time for peace and wellness in these formative times?
After digesting many of my points on my personal fulfillment, I now realize that this could have stayed in my journal! Alas, I am a firm believer that speaking not only insecurities but realizations into the universe (or Her Campus McMaster… same thing) can manifest positive results that I am chasing. In perspective of my present and future, I am planning on finding fulfillment within the small moments in my life. In the grand scheme, I am always looking towards the things I want to achieve, where the rest of the world is on mute, and my instinct is the only voice I follow. Although getting older is terrifying, it can be beautiful when approached with joy and optimism for yourself.