It was the summer after grade 10 when my family and I decided to move half-way across the world. Although I was frustrated that I had to leave my friends, I was also excited to move. I was ready to embark on a new adventure and start a new chapter of my life – that was until I realized that the grass was not always greener on the other side. With my fingertips cold to the touch and the deafening sound of my own heart pounding, I trembled as I held tight onto the straps of my school bag and walked through the big blue gates of my new school. So many thoughts were floating in my mind: Was I ever going to make any friends? Could I make it through the next two years? I went from feeling like I had it all to feeling lost and confused. Everything was new to me: from the classrooms to the teachers to the content that we were learning. It felt like I had moved back to square one.
As daunting as this seemed at first, in retrospect I can see the strength and independence I gained, and how grateful I am for this unique experience. First and foremost, I learned to value myself. Starting a new school in grade 11 kind of sucked because everyone had already established their friend groups, and had made years of memories together. For a long time, I tried my best to introduce myself in hopes of finding a friend group that I would click with, but what I ended up finding was much better: myself.
It’s not easy walking up to a friend group who has never seen you before and blurting out, “Hey, my name is Shaden. What’s up?” As I waited to be accepted, I began to lose confidence in myself, and started questioning my humour and personality. I felt awkward being on the “outside” of inside jokes and references. I felt sorry for myself when people would make plans right in front of me and not invite me. I finally came to the decision that I would rather be alone than be with people who were not acknowledging my presence.
I learned to be okay with walking to classes alone, eating lunch alone, and working on assignments alone. Slowly but surely, I learned to not let the lack of validation I received affect my self-confidence. It took feeling lonely to learn that there was nothing wrong with being alone. Once I started feeling comfortable in my own presence, I started to learn to celebrate my accomplishments, pat myself on the back, and become my own supporter.
I decided to “step out of my comfort zone” in a different way. Rather than trying to force conversations with people, I decided to join different clubs and sports, and participate more in class. Little did I know, this is how I would make friends. It was at these extracurriculars where I met people with whom I shared interests with, and the mutual interest provided a great foundation for many of the friendships I would go on to make. By putting myself out there and participating more in class, it allowed for conversation starters with other students. It did take some time for me to establish myself, but I ended up graduating high school with such amazing friends – and better yet, I was recognized for my hard work as the “Student of the Year.”
Once I stopped chasing validation from other people and focused on myself, I started attracting friends that were good for me. One of the biggest things I learned from being the new kid was that you cannot force friendships. I also learned that I was much stronger than I thought I was. When there was no one to cheer me on, I had two options: cry about it or cry about it then do something about it. I recommend the latter (minus the crying, if possible).