Dear younger self, it’s me Molly.
Little Molly! I am your biggest fan. You did such a good job paving the way for me to start living. You have the sweetest smile and giggle that accompanies it. You love cheetah print, sparkles, pink, teal, orange, yellow, and purple. You love your American Girl Dolls, playing teacher, store, dance moms, and Minecraft. Never a dull moment. You love the food network, baking cakes, making music videos and iMovie trailers, having fashion shows, and playing outside with the neighbourhood kids until dark. You can be bossy, a perfectionist, and a tattle tale, but you also just wanted to be liked. You’re okay doing your own thing, but you always just wish the other kids wanted to play with you. You love the attention, and you get it, but it always seems like you’re not in on the joke. Molly is always the last to know. It’s hard to be the baby, but you wear that title like a badge of honour.
I wish I could hug you and talk to you. I want to know what goes on inside your head. I wish we could be friends because if no one else thinks you’re cool, I definitely do. I know it feels like everyone is rushing to grow up and you’re trying hard to keep up, but I like that you continue to do what you want, despite feeling like an outsider. You know that mom and dad will always be your biggest champions. Dad will always be your “Subway” customer when you set up the fake food in the playroom. Mom will never stop filming you dancing, even considering you lack the skill, but your passion is still there.
I know you have HIGH expectations for yourself, but it seems like we won’t be married with children for a little while… You don’t have your own TV show, or Hannah Montana’s revolving mechanized closet, or a boyfriend, and you definitely did not beat Sophia Lucia’s world record of pirouettes. But please don’t tell me you’re disappointed. I’m still so young and there is so much to accomplish. I’d like to think you’d think I’m cool. I still get upset over grades if they aren’t 100%; I did not grow up to skip class; I think I have a cool fashion sense (that I definitely have from you) and an awesome taste in music. I collect records, I still bake and cook all the time, and I live on my own with some amazing girls who you’ll meet one day. I can’t believe I got to tell you this but, you moved away for school! Little Molly who cried for her mom for most of kindergarten, couldn’t stay at overnight camp, and was scared at sleepovers is just a funny memory. You went to the most amazing school, McMaster. You’re now 20 years old and you are headed for your dream job (after being a ballerina) – you’re going to be a teacher!
Life is lovely and you have gained so many great insights along the way. You have such a fear of being alone and losing your loved ones. Instead of harping on life and what the reality of life is, enjoy everyone around you and create the most magical memories that will stay with you, because you cannot control what is outside of your control.
Trust your gut. In any sense, whether that be what answer to circle on a multiple choice test, what university to choose, or even what outfit you should wear that day, trust your instinct. You have your best interest at heart and what you want to choose will be okay. Whatever the outcome is, you will find your way out – you’re great at that.
You are such a thoughtful person and even when it feels like the biggest blessing, you sometimes forget about you. It is lovely to be there for others and you should never stop, but don’t let your love for those around you, and even strangers who don’t know your name, control how you feel about yourself.
It is okay to break the rules. You are the most by-the-book individual on this planet and that is wonderful. I am glad you want to always be safe and always make the right choice; you care about how choices will affect you, others, and your future, but life is not that serious. Yes, it hurts to hear friends tease you for being such a prude, innocent, loser who doesn’t take a risk, but sometimes they’re right. I want you to stay true to yourself, but also step outside of the box and let yourself have fun. Life is so short.
This leads to such an important one, don’t wait. You are going to spend SO much time waiting for what feels to be the “right time” to do so much. Why? Don’t you realize that you only live once? Every day is not promised. Every time you say “one day I’ll do it” or “one day I’ll say it” is a precious opportunity you just lost. Please stop holding yourself back. I am still learning this every day, but I think it’s really starting to click. It’s just not worth it. You won’t gain anything from putting off something you know you want to do.
Not being perfect is okay. Again, I am still navigating this lesson today, but you were not put on this earth to do everything perfectly the first time. If this is how life worked, everything would be so boring. Some of the most amazing parts of life are not just the wins and the accomplishments, but the times when you are setback or just have to work and try again. The lessons you learn from your defeats will teach you just as much, if not more, than your successes.
I wish I could know you so I could watch you grow up and be a fly on the wall in every room you enter. I love you so much and I am glad to know that even though little you doesn’t exist anymore, your sweetness is within me forever. P.S. don’t let anyone dim your sparkle, steal your youth, or make you feel bad for wearing colourful, sequenced, fluffy clothing. You’re a diva.