We all know who she is. The fun, ecstatic girl, full of creative hobbies, blossoming
friendships, and a bubbly personality. Then, all of a sudden, she has a boyfriend, and now every
story begins with “my boyfriend…”
My two years in university have taught me that university culture has gifted us a new
boogeyman known as the “Boyfriend Girl,” and the last thing many of us want is for our identity
to be reduced to who we kiss goodnight.
Inspired by Vogue’s recent question, is having a boyfriend embarrassing now? I will
explore why many young women fear losing their individuality to a relationship, especially in
our most defining years of university, when we are still trying to figure out who we are.
Somewhere along the way, having a boyfriend stopped being seen as an accomplishment
and became more of an identity crisis. We were raised alongside feminist rhetoric that taught us
to prioritize our independence, get a degree, chase challenging careers, and to not to be afraid to
take up space. So, when a relationship does appear, there is a quiet panic that comes along with
it. Questions like “Am I losing the identity I spent so long building?” begin flooding our minds.
This isn’t the fear of falling in love, but simply the fear of falling into a role, the kind where
suddenly you are seen as the girl whose personality revolves around “my boyfriend.”
Another important aspect is how social media has fundamentally shaped relationships.
Today, it’s all about screenshots of mystery arms and soft launches that make the FBI-level
investigation skills of your friends go feral. We hide our partners because the internet is filled
with criticism and judgment. For example, if we post too much, we are seen as cringey, but if we
post nothing, we’re hiding something. And if it ends? The delete and pretend that didn’t happen
era is messy and weird. Showing your relationship online feels like we’re publicly listing our
vulnerabilities: what if people think you’re settling? What if it doesn’t last? What if you become
the girl who only posts to him?
Well, here’s the plot twist: maybe being the “Boyfriend Girl” isn’t the villain origin story
we made it out to be. Maybe it’s okay to gush over someone who treats you well, and telling
your close friends about the recent guy you met doesn’t erase every other part of you. A healthy
relationship isn’t meant to erase every part of you, but should be cheered on. The real fear we
should have is being in a relationship with someone who makes us feel small and unworthy.
Being the “Boyfriend Girl” is only embarrassing if it’s the only thing you are.