When I was brainstorming for my undergraduate thesis, I wanted to study parasocial relationships. These are those one-sided bonds we form with celebrities, influencers, or fictional characters (Carlson & Lien, 2023). I was fascinated by how people could feel such genuine affection for someone they’ve never met. Although my group and I pivoted to fanship and well-being, for feasibility reasons, I’ve never quite shaken my curiosity about why parasocial crushes feel so emotionally powerful. From what I’ve seen in the research, attachment style definitely plays a part, but it’s not the whole story.
What Even Is a Parasocial Crush?
In simple terms, a parasocial relationship occurs when one thinks of a character or celebrity as a friend, partner, or more, despite never meeting them in real life (Cohen, 2004). Think of your comfort YouTuber, your first fictional crush, or a celebrity whose social media pages make you smile when you’re sad. These crushes aren’t “just in your head”—for some, they are real emotional bonds that activate the same attachment systems we use in actual relationships.
Attachment Styles: The Hidden Script Behind Our Crushes
Attachment theory suggests that early experiences with caregivers shape how we approach closeness and intimacy (Cohen, 2004). Secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment styles not only affect real relationships but also influence how we form imaginary ones.
- Securely attached people tend to enjoy parasocial relationships without losing perspective. Usually they see them as entertainment or comfort.Â
- Avoidantly attached people, who fear intimacy, are less likely to form deep parasocial bonds.Â
- Anxiously attached individuals, who crave closeness and reassurance, are the most likely to develop intense parasocial crushes and feel distress when their favourite character leaves a show or an influencer stops posting.
Carlson and Lien (2023) back this up: those with anxious attachment styles are more prone to form one-sided relationships and to feel more emotionally invested in them. They also found that women tended to report slightly more emotionally intimate parasocial bonds than men, who often viewed their media figures as mentors rather than friends.
The “First Fictional Crush” Effect
We all have had that first fictional crush who ruined real people for a while. Maybe it was a rom-com lead or even an animated prince. These early crushes weren’t just daydreams; they were practice runs for understanding love and attraction.Â
Emily Burnham (2020) found that young women often use fictional relationships to explore romance in a safe space, with no rejection and no awkward first dates. But what’s the catch? When we binge-watch perfect love stories where partners just know what the other needs, we start believing that’s normal (Burnham, 2020). Real life isn’t scripted, which might explain why reality sometimes feels a little disappointing by comparison.
So, Why Do We Keep Coming Back?
Because, honestly, parasocial crushes feel safe. They’re drama-free, low-risk, and always there when you need a serotonin boost. During the pandemic especially, many of us turned to comfort characters the way others turned to baking.Â
Psychologists note that these imaginary bonds are not inherently bad; they can offer stability, distraction, and even comfort (Cohen, 2004). However, your attachment style can determine whether that comfort stays healthy or turns into something a little clingy. People with anxious attachment might latch onto media figures when real-life relationships feel uncertain, while those with secure attachment are more likely to enjoy the fantasy without confusing it as something real (Cohen, 2004).
Should You Worry About Your Parasocial Crush?
Not at all. Having a parasocial crush is basically a coming-of-age experience. It’s totally normal, even healthy, when it helps you explore emotions, creativity, or what you value in relationships (Carlson & Lien, 2023). The trick is remembering it’s a one-way mirror: what you see in your favourite character or influencer may reflect you, your needs, your attachment style, and your idea of love.Â
As someone who once wanted to study this for my thesis, I still think it’s fascinating. These crushes show just how deeply wired we are for connection, even through a screen. Whether it’s an influencer, a pop star, or a fictional heartthrob, what draws us in isn’t just them; it’s the part of ourselves that wants to feel seen, understood, and connected.
REFERENCES
Burnham, E. J. (2021). First Fictional Crush: Effects of Parasocial Attachments on Female Adolescent Relationships. Intuition: The BYU Undergraduate Journal of Psychology, 15(1), 3.
Carlson, B., & Lien, F. (2023). Effect of Gender and Attachment Styles on the Formation of Parasocial Rleationships. Concordia Journal of Communication Research, 8(1), 3. https://doi.org/10.54416/XKHP9154Â
Cohen, J. (2004). Parasocial Break-Up from Favorite Television Characters: The Role of Attachment Styles and Relationship Intensity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21(2), 187-202. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407504041374