I recently turned 20 years old and let me tell you, I felt a little bittersweet saying goodbye to my teenage years. I may be a bit dramatic, but for me, being a teenager was the best time of my life. I lived life to the fullest, survived one of the toughest obstacles I have ever experienced, stepped out of my comfort zone too many times and learned so many new things about myself. However, when you turn 20 years old, you feel a sense of nostalgia as if you are leaving a part of your youth and innocence behind. I made many mistakes in my teenage years but those mistakes are what shaped me into the person I am now. You have a whole new decade of life to experience and with that comes the pressures of more responsibilities, more independence, chances to embark on new adventures and see what lies ahead in the future. Let’s get into some short but important lessons I learned at 19 years old.
1. Open up more to those who trust and love you; be a clear communicator
This rule is pretty self-explanatory. Throughout my life, I was very shy and would always be fearful of what others would think of me if I opened up to them. I dealt with some personal obstacles growing up and didn’t really talk about it with anyone other than my family, so I was perceived as a pretty private person to my friends for a period of time. I didn’t really have a consistent group of friends growing up, as people would constantly leave and enter my life. As soon as I got comfortable enough with one person, they would end up leaving. I would not have had to readapt to the whole situation of finding a good group of friends to show my vulnerable side to. Eventually, I was able to find “my people” and show them the hidden, vulnerable side of me. To this day, I am very grateful for making that decision as it helped me develop trust in people.
2. Look to the bright side, think in new perspectives
I’m going to be honest, I’m an overthinker. Always have been and maybe I always will be. I was very used to the mentality that if you think about bad things, bad things will happen. I would make my mental health worse by putting irrational notions and thoughts into my head that would make the situation 10 times worse. I didn’t realize that I was doing this to myself; I was the one putting myself and my mental health into jeopardy. I was in charge of my own choices but what I didn’t realize is that I also had the power to change the way I perceive things. This thought occurred to me when I got COVID earlier this year. I was really scared because I had exposed myself and my close friends, even though everyone around me was bound to get it at one point. I was overthinking every possible scenario in the back of my head, wondering what would happen when I told my friends that I got COVID. Eventually, I was able to calm down and realized that the real situation wasn’t as bad as how I perceived it to be.
3. Be a better listener, just listen.
I’m still trying to work on this one, but when a friend is ranting to you, don’t be quick to offer solutions or advice immediately. Just take the time to listen to them and validate their feelings. Yes, offering them advice and consoling them is a nice gesture but it’s also important that they know that you understand how they feel. Being there for them when they are in a very fragile space makes them feel loved, validated and respected. I can assure you that your friend will really value your presence, even if you have nothing to offer or say to them. Just be there. That’s what being a good friend is.
These are rules that I am going to try to live by for the rest of my life and hopefully, I will learn more lessons throughout adulthood that will shape me into a better person. I try to incorporate these lessons and even other lessons I’ve learned into my life at some point. So, if you find that any of these lessons apply to you and you find yourself not being able to fully adapt to them, don’t be mad at yourself. It takes a lifetime to figure out who you really are and along the way, you will make many mistakes—it’s bound to happen. So try not to stress out and enjoy this wild journey called life. Live life to the fullest. Laugh a lot. Pursue your passion, but most importantly, never forget to fight for your happiness.