In an uncertain time like your twenties, life can feel like a difficult game of bouncing back and forth—struggling to feel connected to yourself, your environment, and your friendships one day, and feeling a dramatic breakthrough the next. There’s no time like the present to recentre your focus and ground yourself. Who better to consult than the person you look up to most? The person who can make me feel seen, no matter the circumstances, will always be my mom, Jane. For this article, I asked my mom some thought-provoking questions, to which her responses had me reflecting on where I am at right now and what my future could look like.
“What is the biggest life lesson you’ve learned?”
My mom explained that an incredibly important life lesson she was taught is the ability to accept help. My mom is in no way a boastful person, but she is someone who gives. She gives all of herself to what she does and for the betterment of helping others, ignoring what the effects on herself may be. She shared, “learning that asking for help is never a bad thing was important and realizing that this does not conclude weakness was even more impactful.” Experiencing human connection is what life is about. Togetherness and community are necessary parts of the journey we are on, because if we do not have others we can turn to and share this life with, why are we here? We have all heard the saying ”to build a village, you must be a villager,” and my mom exemplifies this to the utmost degree. It was important for her to understand, then, that being too proud to accept help and putting all your efforts into being there for others does not equate to being the greatest version of yourself, but will only burn you out. I think this is a lesson that many of us in young adulthood can benefit from. Personally, I feel the need to be independent and prove to others that I am capable enough to do it all. This feeling is embedded in my mind, especially as a woman, in order to be taken seriously.
In reality, when I try to do everything myself, I creep closer and closer to falling apart, which could have been avoided by reaching out.
My mom also expressed that risking your happiness and fulfilment to avoid feeling failure is never worth it. The fear of regret will be much more damaging than the potential defeat. Looking back now, she wishes she took leaps of faith and believed in herself to achieve what she now knows she was always capable of. She has always tried to instil in my sister and I that going after your desires is what is most important.
Regret hurts more than the tough lessons you may learn and the redirection you may face.
“What were you once afraid of that now means nothing?”
My mom answered this question with no hesitation. She explained her unconscious fear and desire to be liked by others, leading to her constantly trying to prove herself to be viewed a certain way. We hear this from people of all ages, all the time. She exclaimed that the point of life is not to live for others. Living to meet the perceived expectations of others is a waste of the precious time we have. My mom went on to say, “you must do what makes you feel most like yourself: most real, raw, and genuinely, profusely happy.” What is important now is being an authentic individual. When you can figure out what this means to you, the rest comes easy. You will feel proud of the choices you make, reflecting the person you truly are.
“What are your hopes for me? What do I need to work on?”
My mom described that her only wish is that the way my dad and her have raised me will carry me through to a life of joy. She hopes that one day, when I am 85 and rocking in a chair, I can think back on life with satisfaction, knowing that I lived every day to the fullest. She doesn’t want me to work myself to the bone and reap the rewards decades down the line, but see the world, challenge myself and others, admit to my wrongdoings, and most importantly make the necessary changes I know I must make because my happiness is worth it. My mom added that while she knows what I am capable of, she needs me to see that too.
For every ambitious young woman, know that momma Jane is here in your corner and cheering you on, even if it sometimes feels like no one is. Reach out; ask for help. You are worthy of love and appreciation. You deserve to be seen and heard and if you’re struggling to find that, don’t hold onto connections that do not support you. Life cannot be about striving for perfection but staying true to yourself.
When you love who you are, you will let others love you back and find those who are meant to be in your life