Moving to Canada was one of the scariest decisions I have ever made. Migrating from a place halfway across the world was inevitability one of the most stressful times of my life. It was a new place, and I was moving into a house with five girls I had never met. Everyone that I spent years developing close friendships with felt like a million miles away and the loneliness consuming my mind was deafening. After four months, I realized that not only were the people I have met here really supportive and fun, but my friends back home also made a huge effort to keep in touch. Even with the existence of the internet, it was difficult. I like having the people I love physically present, and sometimes calling or texting them never truly felt enough. But that is a sacrifice I had to make to keep these decade-long friendships. So, here are some lessons I have learnt in keeping my long-distance friendships afloat.
Understand that there need to be sacrifices made.
Sometimes when you move to a different country, there is this urge to keep things the same to compensate for your changing landscape. Adapting to a new environment is a necessity and the first thing I learned when I settled in. This meant that certain aspects of my friendships back home had to change. I couldn’t just wait for my friends to call first nor could I just have a burst of spontaneity when it came to calling them. Especially with a twelve-hour time difference, we all had to make sacrifices with our sleeping schedules. Understand that certain quirks you once had in your friendships just cannot be possible anymore.
Make time for them in your schedule.
You have to meet in the middle. By meeting in the middle, I mean by making sure you make time for them in your schedule. Choose a day and a time and even add it to your calendar. It’s important that there is an agreement of your expectations in the friendship and the designated time you make for each other has to be up there.
Send them memes. Respond to their Instagram stories. Just find ways to start the conversation.
Not all conversations have to be scheduled. Sometimes, starting conversations can be awkward and scary. Having something else to diffuse that responsibility through other forms, like memes, TikToks, and Instagram posts can start a conversation smoothly. It is important to note you should not stress out if they don’t respond immediately. I have had conversations with my friends that span several days because of the time difference. It is completely normal.
Create a mutual activity during the times you call.
My mom has a designated Friday wine night where she calls some of her old friends. This is a great example of a mutual activity that could make the conversations more fun and run more smoothly. For me, I still play video games with my friends back home. It helps make conversations feel less forced and unnatural. Not everyone has something new to talk about every week. Having a tradition helps alleviate the stress of finding topics to talk about.
Finally, do not be too harsh on yourself if things fall apart.
This, to me, is the most important lesson I have learned. I used to beat myself up for not trying hard enough to keep in contact with friends. Life is something that constantly changes and so do people. We cannot all expect for us to grow together simultaneously. It is normal for friends to lose touch and drift away. It does not mean you are a bad friend, nor does it mean that it was not a great friendship. Sometimes people just grow older, meet new people, and do not have enough time. Putting that much pressure on yourself and on others is not healthy.
These are not concrete steps on how to keep friendships; these are just the lessons I have learned since moving to Hamilton. Every person and friendship will be different. Only you know how to cater to you and your friend’s needs.