Ever since middle school, I’ve seen my friends being asked out on dates and couples holding hands around school. While some of these relationships have happily lasted up to this day, I’ve also seen some of my friends rush into unhealthy relationships, just for the sake of dating. As a hopeless romantic who binges cliché romance novels and dramas, I’ve always wanted to wait for “the one” but I also couldn’t help but wonder when it will be my turn. With my 20th birthday around the corner, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something wrong with me. I spent endless nights mulling over the possibilities: Am I not pretty enough? Am I not outgoing enough? Am I destined to be alone? And mostly, should I have just told him how I felt? I was connecting my self-worth to my relationship status and I realized that is wrong.
I recently stumbled upon a TikTok video about a girl who was in her early 20s and still hasn’t dated. I found hope in the comment section where many girls who were also in the same boat and found their “perfect” partner eventually. I realized that dating is not a race. Instead, it will take some effort and patience to find “the one.” In the meantime, I can take the time to work on myself and work on my confidence. After all, no one will love you if you don’t love yourself first. While it’s a slow process, I am gradually changing my mindset by reminding myself to not connect my self-worth with how many people are interested in me but rather how much time and effort I invest in myself. Simple things such as drinking a warm cup of tea every morning and doing a quick workout after dinner, and most importantly, trying to give myself a compliment in the morning before I leave for class have been particularly helpful throughout my self-love journey.
If you’re like me and still have never been asked out or never had anyone remotely show interest in you, it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough and you’re not alone in this. It just means it’s still not time for you to start dating. It also means you have more time to work on yourself and figure out what you’re looking for in a partner.