GROWING PAINS: THE ART OF OUTGROWING FRIENDSHIPS

There’s a moment in young adulthood when you look around and realize that the people you used to be inseparable from don’t quite fit anymore. Not because your feelings toward them have changed, but because you’re growing—and sometimes your paths no longer align. No one really prepares you for this feeling, and it can leave you lonelier and more isolated than ever. But here’s the thing: growing apart from your friends is a completely natural part of life! Not only is it incredibly common, but it’s also a crucial part of figuring out who you are. 

When I started university, I began noticing that some of my friends were moving in different directions than I was. They were growing at their own pace, and I realized that their values no longer aligned with mine. And that’s okay! There’s no one “correct” way to move through life. But when my friends’ interests and behaviours started to hold me back, I realized something had to change. I needed to start prioritizing myself, which meant gently stepping away from those friendships. 

This was terrifying. What if I had no one else to turn to? What if I couldn’t make new friends? What if this choice left me completely alone? It was a ‘pit-in-my-stomach’ kind of fear that feels impossible to shake. But weirdly enough, underneath all that anxiety, there was also a strange sense of comfort. I no longer felt guilty for wanting something different. For the first time, it felt like the world was opening up instead of closing in. I was done slowing myself down just to keep other people comfortable. I knew I was stepping into something new, unknown, and potentially disastrous… but also possibly great. And that possibility gave me hope. 

That’s the part of losing friends that no one talks about: the freedom that comes after the fear. The realization that outgrowing people doesn’t make you disloyal or mean—it makes you human. It means you are paying attention to what you need and listening to the parts of yourself that are ready to evolve. We don’t normalize this enough. Drifting from people you once swore you’d be friends with forever is so much more common than we realize. Friendships naturally ebb and flow as our values shift, our environments change, and we start figuring out what kind of adults we want to be. It doesn’t make either person wrong. It doesn’t make anyone the villain. 

So yes, it’s scary. But what’s even scarier is never finding out who you could become because you’re afraid to grow on your own. You will feel it when you’re evolving at a different pace than the people around you—that little tug in your chest, that voice in the back of your head. As annoying as it is, it’s usually right. Trust it. 

And remember, you don’t have to completely end your friendships to grow. Sometimes a little bit of space can give both of you the room you need to evolve. So, when you do reconnect, you’re both an improved version of yourselves! 

At the end of the day, outgrowing people isn’t an ending—it’s the beginning of your journey toward becoming the person you’re meant to be. Fear is normal. Uncertainty is natural. But dimming yourself just to keep people close? 

That’s never the answer.  

• college
• friendships
• growth
• self-help