The life I built over the last four years is now coming to an end. How can this time feel so slow, yet so incredibly fast? The nostalgia is unreal, and the various emotions are overwhelming. My first year self would not believe it when I say university was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I am a totally different person; as I attended my last first week of school, I felt confident, organized, and secure. I was no longer afraid of introducing myself to fellow classmates, and the anxiety that once filled my chest about making the wrong choices in my program was no longer there. I knew what to expect and it was a liberating feeling. It felt like I could officially say “I figured it out, let’s take on the world!”
It has been a long four years though, especially with the never ending global pandemic and lockdowns. There are parts of my student life that I am ready to let go. For example, juggling the hectic school schedule that consisted of long lectures, homework, readings, and projects (especially group projects) will not be joining me after graduation. And let’s not forget about the dreadful student budget – it is a sad feeling to watch all the money you saved up during the summer slowly decrease as you pay for rent and ridiculously overpriced groceries. Being able to go shopping and enjoy a night out without financial stress will be a good feeling.
But it is not all sunshine and rainbows during my last semester. The anxiety of leaving behind the life I love, and the fear of what comes next, has hit me so hard that I find myself crying way too often. Don’t get me wrong, I am very excited to spend more time with my family, but my student home has also become a safe, loving, and supportive place. My roommates are the people I come home to after a long day of school to complain, laugh, and cry together. Living our own lives in different hometowns is surreal to imagine after all these years together.
And lastly, I fear the loss of the comfortable routine school has always provided me. Summer holidays, class schedules, deadlines, and extracurricular activities have governed all aspects of my life since I was in the first grade. Even when I introduce myself to people, the conversation typically consists of me explaining my program, where I live, my relationship with my roommates, and how I am involved in the school community. That will all be gone as I become an adult living in my hometown. I will be in full control of my day-to-day life and my new identity.
Ultimately, my last semester of university feels confusing, emotional, and exciting. The spring graduates of 2023 are entering a new chapter of their life. We will all have our own lives but will forever be bonded by our memory and experience at McMaster. This may be the end, but it is also the beginning of something new.