What if South Asian women didn’t have to choose between cultural expectations and the thrill of love? What if we embraced romance as both rebellion and right? Because we deserve those butterflies too.
For far too long, South Asian women in romantic stories – whether it be books, movies, or in real
life – have been placed in the shadows. We’ve played the roles of the self-sacrificing sisters, the dutiful
daughters, the wise, quirky, and supportive best friends, or the love interests burdened by cultural
conflicts. If we exist in romantic tales at all, it is often an obstacle, always caught between desire and
duty. We often stand at the edge of the spotlight, the edge of the frame, as a beacon of guidance for the
heroine, never being the heroine ourselves. Being the side character is tiring and invokes such a beautiful
yearning in South Asian women, and it’s time to let that passion run wild. Let’s step into our own
fairytales; not as cautionary tales, but as the ones who live fully, feel deeply, and love fiercely. But what
would happen if we took the chance to rewrite the script? What if we claimed romance in all its
heart-throbbing, cinematic, messy, and utterly swoon-worthy glory?
When we think of the most popular and believed romantic stories, how often do we see someone who looks like us at the centre of the beautifully chaotic whirlwind? How often are we portrayed as the breathtaking, irresistible lead in a lore of love? Not the woman whose love must be justified, but simply a woman who is adored and whose love does not become a battlefield. Hollywood has long written us into rigid roles – our romances laced with turmoil, our love stories used as a metaphor for cultural conflict. Our presence is often an act of defiance rather than an act of devotion. But love, in its truest form, should not be a negotiation. Love is meant to be fought for as it makes the victory all the sweeter, but the condition of feeling hesitant and fearful should not be assumed before the story even starts.
For so many of us, love has always been something to be cautious of. We have been taught to approach it with measured steps, to fear the weight of desire, to suppress the giddiness that bubbles up at the thought of a love that is soft and all-consuming. We are warned against getting carried away – as if love, the thing that makes life electric, is something we must ration. Many South Asian women have been conditioned into thinking that their paths when it comes to love and relationships must be careful and practical, as they are taught to prioritize responsibility and reputations – to view love as something that must fit primly, properly within the boundaries of expectation and duty. Why is choosing love considered an act of rebellion? Why not love joyfully and unapologetically? We cannot limit ourselves as supporting side characters, but we should also be the ones who receive sweet love letters hidden in our books, who get the slow dances in empty rooms, and the ones who get cherished without endless condition.
So after all this, how do we begin seeing ourselves as the beautiful, worthy, and boundless heroines of our own love stories? First, we must let ourselves dream; love others when we wholeheartedly let ourselves believe that it can and will happen. Lose yourself in books where South Asian women take centre stage, and watch movies and television series where we are the ones being loved loudly and are allowed to do the same. Let yourself imagine those moments and freely let those moments become a reality, and know that we are just as worthy of them as anyone else. Next, put yourself on the pedestal first: Heroines are secure and grounded in their own worth. It can be so difficult to remember that, but embrace your female friendships and let yourself be the main character in your own mind. Believe it, buy yourself flowers, and simply be the grand gesture in your own life.
The next time you read a love story and feel the sweet ache and yearning to simply feel the exhilarating sensations of adornments, and be the woman who is swept into a passionate and unforgettable romance, know this: you already are. At the end of the day, the most breathtaking and memorable love stories that we will ever experience are the ones we choose to write for ourselves