In November, I had the opportunity of hosting an open-minded and engaging panel with the South Indian Students Association and SOCH Mental Health Club to unravel gender norms, stereotypical boundaries and individual expectations prevalent in South Asian culture, particularly South Indian families. Topics of discussion ranged from how immigrant parents moved to Canada with high expectations for their kids, the double standards expected from children, how gender stereotypes are portrayed in the household and the “perfectionist mentality” that’s evident in South Asian families. While listening to each panelist, I realized that although each individual shared many experiences that were unique to them, they all shared one similarity within their family: the gender roles expected from them at a young age.
Among the calm atmosphere, cups of chai and insightful conversations, the panelists discussed their personal experiences regarding the conventional narrative and expectations they faced that were ingrained in their culture. Prioritizing education and choosing a reputable career path was a key topic of discussion. Several panelists felt propelled to pursue a career that followed cultural norms rather than pursuing a personally fulfilling career because of stereotypes impressed upon them in childhood. One panelist reflects on how this expectation was the norm for them growing up. They were expected to be the “perfect child”, to remain friendly and obedient in public; but at home they often felt pressure to be diligent and to never take their education lightly. Questions like “How will what you do look like to other people?”, “What will people think if you say you don’t want to become a doctor?”, “There is no scope in any other field other than STEM,” were doubts that would constantly be ingrained into children’s minds. These questions reinforce the stereotype prevalent in South Asian families that if you do not pursue a mainstream career, you are deemed unsuccessful and less intelligent. Sticking to the status quo and building a strong reputation was a high priority, as the norm in South Asian culture is to thrive off of the validation and satisfaction of others.Â
When discussing gender roles, many panelists expressed how gender dynamics in their households impacted their self-identity. In most traditional South Asian households, women are expected to dominate the house by serving and taking care of children, whereas fathers often play the role of breadwinner. One panelist shared her experience as an eldest child in a Bangladeshi household; she felt the values and morals from her culture intertwined with her North American upbringing. The pressure to be a perfect role model to her younger siblings was constantly “on her all the time.” With that pressure came an abundance of expectations to not only excel in everything that she did but to also support her family. She took the traditional route to fulfill her family expectations by pursuing studies in a field that satisfies the status quo and gives her a reputation that would “impress suitors”, instead of achieving personal goals. Another panelist expressed how she faced visible oppression being the eldest daughter to younger brothers in her household. She was not allowed to stay out late past 10 pm whereas her brothers had no curfew. This reinforced the double standard to be a perfect role model for her siblings while also remaining disciplined and navigating life as an oldest sibling.
           As we immersed ourselves into the vibrant topic of South Asian representation in film, we discussed the popular TV show ‘Never Have I Ever’. Many South Asians believe that the comedy drama series accurately represented some aspects of South Indian families living in the United States. The main character, Devi, dealt with trauma that many people can relate to. Grieving the sudden passing of her father at a young age left her paralyzed and she was raised by her mother who constantly pressured her to achieve perfection at school. Spoiler Alert: the show ends with Devi coming to terms with her trauma and dating a white man, which many of the panelists found to be stereotypical. They challenged the notion as to why the show didn’t take a more realistic approach, ending with Devi embracing her culture and being more open-minded rather than dating outside of her culture.
I found these cultural expectations heavily reinforced when I visited India last summer. Whenever I return to the “motherland” as Gen Z refers to it as, I always feel a deep sense of gratitude for my ethnic roots. I am constantly reminded, through the hospitality and values of Indian people, of how much I resonate with my ethnic roots. Visiting India is always a very humbling experience that helps me understand how my parents incorporated their Western traditions into their Indian teachings when they raised my brother and I. However, throughout my time in India, I faced gender stereotypes such as being asked about my future goals at a family gathering. I was often met with disagreements and doubts from certain people, implying that I should shift my focus more on “settling down and getting ready for marriage” rather than establishing a reputable career for myself. This experience shocked me, as I never faced such resistance from anyone before growing up in North America. In Western society, women are often encouraged to break down the barriers of tradition and to prioritize their professional endeavors. As a 2nd generation Canadian raised in a South Asian household, I felt the gender dynamic was predominantly fair. My parents immigrated to Canada about 23 years ago and they were able to intersect their Indian traditions with Western values, raising me more open-mindedly. In our household, parental roles were equally divided: both sharing household duties and maintaining discipline while also working full time jobs. My parents often treated my brother and I fairly, raising us with expectations regardless of gender. My parents raised me to believe that I have the potential to make my mark on the world and should never let anyone tell me otherwise. Although India has evolved from a traditional to a more democratic society, some gender norms and social constructs still remain intact.
The discussions amongst the panelists sparked endless open-minded questions that broadened my perspective of South Asian culture and deepened my appreciation for my ethnic roots. By delving into vibrant topics like stereotypes and gender norms, I understood the deep-rooted systematic barriers that prevented women and men growing up in South Asian households to reach their full potential due to family expectations, societal pressures, and cultural stigmas. The conversation ended on an empowering note: our generation has the capability to abolish these systemic barriers, defy stereotypes, push boundaries, and inspire the next generation to see themselves as they are.