I used to be afraid of the night—or rather—I resented the darkness for always being so serene and embracive, for its ability to remain unfazed no matter what. I used to allow it to drag me into its shadows, let it whisper sweet nothings into my ear until sleep took over. Like clockwork, I ran to it repeatedly, clinging to the world of night because at least it would never ask me to change; at least the moon never pushed me towards a path of destruction, and at least the silence listened to my dreams without uttering a single complaint. I never wanted to leave—I couldn’t imagine a better hand to hold, but then it all changed.
There was a new star in my night sky, one that shone so brightly that I couldn’t ignore her even if I tried. I spoke to her for hours each night, bathing in the warmth of her friendship. I felt complete, I didn’t need anyone else if I had my star. However, I never truly understood the depth of my loneliness until my precious star left me. She left me. I mourned endlessly, wishing for her to come back to me even if just for a moment because I refused to be lonely again. It felt like a part of my soul had been ripped away from me, a void so large that nothing could fill it. Eventually I went on with my life, learning to accept the emptiness she left behind. I made new friends, but I never gave up on her; I pled with the darkness every night to return her to me, but my cries were never heard. I was ungrateful of her companionship, unworthy and undeserving of such unconditional love. I forced myself to change, to blend in with the crowd so maybe someone would love me.
I yearned to be happy again: I needed to feel whole once more. How could everyone else around me be so happy? Why did they deserve to smile when I couldn’t? I began to accept my reality, then one day, there she was. I knew it was her when I felt a rush of light filling the hole in my heart. Standing right in front of me, my beautiful star. She never left me; she was always here, waiting for me to notice her in her new form. I thought she was gone forever, never havingimagined she could walk in the daylight. I was looking for her in the wrong places, leading myself down a road of desperation and uncertainty with so many nameless faces—but here she was. Here she is.
Truth be told, my “star” is a person I met in high school—someone who made me feel seen in ways I didn’t understand until we grew apart before finding each other again. Looking back now, the whole experience taught me something I only now understand: that friendships don’t have to be emotionally demanding or be of constant clinging to be meaningful. In fact, I learned even more about this lesson when I started my first year at McMaster.
I was extremely desperate to make friends, I felt like I had to replace my high school friends and establish a social life right away, or else I’d be lonely for the next few years. I ended up meeting dozens of people, but now that I’m in my second year, only a handful of those friendships remain, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. University is huge, there’s so much to explore and it can be scary having to navigate it all alone, especially for those who move far from home. Imposter syndrome, increased loneliness in crowds, the pressure to start fresh, new academic stressors, hyper-independence—these are all feelings that everyone goes through in the beginning, and it doesn’t help that the overwhelming need to make life-long friends tends to triumph all else. Humans are social beings; there is no greater feeling than the bond of true, unconditional love, so it’s understandable to feel desperate, especially when others surrounding you have already formed their bonds.
The reality is that there is no better friendship than the ones you least expect. Letting life unfold the way it’s meant to isn’t easy, but letting go of the reins is so worth it. Whether you immediately click with the guy from your business tutorial or chase after the girl from your math lecture, it doesn’t matter how you meet because your soulmates will always find you one way or another. By definition from the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a soulmate is “a close friend of romantic partner with whom one has a unique deep connection based on mutual understanding and acceptance.” However, we often twist the definition to only speak of a romantic partner, forgetting that some of our greatest loves come from solely platonic friendships.
Oddly enough, the people we tend to love the most are the ones we see the least. Getting an education isn’t easy, but it’s a privilege for a reason. There won’t always be time to hang out like in high school. One friend could be drowning in organic chemistry midterms, another rushing through hospital clinicals, and someone else might be struggling to hit that 2000-word count on their essay. But somehow, the business of adult life only brings you all closer. To be heard and seen doesn’t necessarily mean constant texting or weekend partying. It’s in the small choices. The little details—like taking the longer way to class or savouring the five-minute walk to the bus stop—say more about true love than any other action. A soulmate doesn’t have to involve a romantic relationship, instead a soulmate should be someone who understands you need independent space to grow, someone who can love you from afar, one who appreciates your niche qualities, and who can support you through your lowest times. There is no rush, as we are all allowed to move at our own pace and have every right to put ourselves first. The right person won’t ever make you feel as if you’re wrong for prioritizing yourself.
They’ll help you grow just as much as you will help them.
The whole point of a soulmate is to embrace the tranquility behind their reassurance: to know with full confidence that you can rely on them no matter what, and that they have your best interests at heart. In fairytales, a soulmate is something of forbidden magic, a myth that the fictional characters can only dream of. But after much struggling and patience, they always end up finding their perfect match, whether it be platonic or romantic. It is the kind of bond that you can’t force, but rather the kind that finds you when you need it most. Stay focused on building a future for yourself, and let the opportunity present itself and who knows.
Maybe your soul will find its own star too.