Legend says that the best relationship advice comes from single women, specifically those who have never been in a relationship before… or maybe that was just something I heard on TikTok. Lucky for you, here I am! Your resident single-BFF, full of wisdom to share. Before we dive in, I have to be honest. Most of these tips come from a page on my phone’s Notes app titled, “If you think you like him, think again.” This page is where I go when I feel like I needed to be reminded of what it is I am looking for in a significant other. *Disclaimer: masculine pronouns such as he/him are used for the purpose of writing this article, but all other pronouns apply
- Do you like him? Or do you like the idea of him?
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If you find yourself chasing a guy that you barely know, pause for a moment and ask yourself why. Are you seeking validation from men? If the answer is yes, you’re not alone, but it’s a sign that you may not be ready for a relationship. You need to be able to love yourself and find happiness within yourself before sharing your life with another person. Although it is easier said than done, take the time you need to build that relationship with yourself first. That way, later on, you have a steady foundation to support a strong and healthy relationship. If you want to know if it is the idea of him that you like, sit back and ask yourself if you are ignoring red flags or how well you really know him. If you are filling in gaps in your mind with assumptions about how “perfect” he is for you, this might apply to you.
- Are you expecting to find your “other half”?
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NEWS FLASH: you are a not a half of a person! If you are searching for someone to “complete” you, stop that right now! A healthy relationship is one that is composed of two whole people who add meaning, value, love, support, and happiness to each other’s lives.
- Are his intentions clear?
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Intentions, intentions, intentions. A healthy relationship won’t grow from mixed signals. If it is hard for either of you to vocalize your expectations before committing, the relationship will lack healthy communication. If you’re constantly asking yourself if he likes you, he doesn’t. Trust me, when a guy likes you, he will do everything in his power to ensure you know.
- Are you just bored?
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If the answer is yes, it is a sign that you need to find a new hobby (hike, paint, sing, bake, bike, etc.) or even make some new friends. Don’t settle just because you’re bored or because you feel like there’s no one better out there. It’s 1000 times better to be alone than to have less than what you deserve. Know your worth and be patient. Everything will play out naturally if you just let it. A tip I’ve heard from many women in my life is as soon as you stop searching, they will find you.
- Are you attracted to him?
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Yes, physical attraction is very important in a relationship, but are you attracted to his personality as well? Does he make you laugh? How is his work ethic? What are his passions?
- Would he get along with your friends?
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If you commit to a serious relationship, chances are this person will meet your friends. Your friends are a reflection of you, and if the idea of introducing him to them makes you cringe, you’re either just a bit nervous or you should ABORT MISSION – it’s one or the other. If your friends have already met him, consider their opinion of him. When your vision is clouded by love, an outside perspective might reveal just how tinted your rose-coloured glasses are.
- Are you willing to make sacrifices and compromises?
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We like the idea of being in a relationship, but we forget the responsibility, time and effort that comes with an unfiltered, genuine relationship. Making sacrifices and compromising should not be difficult when it comes to the person you love. Ask yourself, am I willing to sacrifice for this person? And perhaps more importantly, are they willing to sacrifice for me?
- Are you willing to accept the chances of heartbreak?
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This person, should you choose to accept them, may break your heart (Mission Impossible reference, anyone?). No one goes into a relationship hoping it doesn’t work out, but it would be naïve to ignore the possibility. If heartbreak is inevitable, at least choose a person who would be worth it.
- Lastly, my personal favorite: Are you the person that you want him to want?
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Read that again and let it sink in. A confident, hard-working, passionate man will likely be looking for someone with similar qualities. Good news – you can become that person! Work toward your goals and the life you aspire to have for yourself. Doing so, you will naturally attract someone who is doing the same.
If you have made it past the first two questions, congratulations on making it further than me. If not, remember, it’s better to be single than sorry! Feel free to slip this article into that one friend’s locker who needs to hear this – or mine, so I can take my own advice.