Most of us grow up with the idea that our families are perfect and that they are the ones who will support us no matter what. We are taught that family should always have each other’s back. But, what happens when they are the ones hurting you? People rarely talk about the pain that having a toxic family can cause. You’re expected to stay there and deal with all of it. I say screw that. Families sometimes cause more pain than a bad relationship. It is okay to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to get out of the situation.
I understand that it is hard to accept that you are better off without some family members. We are reminded to leave any (romantic) relationship if we are feeling trapped, sad, lonely, hurt etc. But, we’re judged if we decide to do the same with blood relatives. Not many people take in account that intrafamilial relationships can be just as, if not, even more hurtful. Remember that no one knows how much you are hurting except yourself. You know why and how you feel. Everyone else just gives their opinion based on what they see from the outside.
When and if you do leave, it might take you days, weeks, months or even years to realize that you made the best decision. I won’t lie, there will be times when you will feel guilty. I am not saying that everything will be perfect once you walk away. The first few months will be hard and then, some days will be harder than others. It is a funny feeling because you sort of have this fight going on in your head, “Did I make the right decision? Did I overthink everything? Am I a bad person? Did I deserve what happened? Am I going to be able to move on?” These and a million other questions will dance around in your head, keeping you awake at night. My advice is to let it all out. Do not hold anything in. Cry it out and once you have done that, sit back and breathe. Remind yourself that you are strong and that you did what you had to do in order to be happy. Instead of asking yourself if you deserve what happened to you, ask yourself, “Did they ever deserve me?” The answer to that will most likely be “No, they did not”. Reflect on the differences from when you were in that dark and unhappy situation and how you are feeling now. Mental health is so important and it can be painful letting go but, sometimes it is necessary.
Anyone who truly cares and loves you will support any decision that makes you happy. Do not feel guilty about finding a new family or being your own family and feeling loved. Remember, family is not define by genes. It is define by love, care and support. You deserve to feel that way. You deserve to be loved.
As someone who had to make this decision, my advice is, choose happiness over anything. Focus on you and get yourself out of any toxic relationship, friendship, even if that includes those who you have called your family.