As a college student who struggles with mental health, I have had a very difficult time when it comes to my relationship with others. The hardest part is explaining to them why I am reacting, thinking or feeling the way I am. We don’t want to be excused for our actions and the things we say, but we want to be understood. Sometimes, I wish I could explain exactly how I feel, but when I try, it all comes out wrong. I can’t fully explain myself so I just give up.
Mental health can get in the way of any relationship in any form. It can come between you and your partner, you and your parents, you and your friends etc. It makes you feel like you are not enough. You think that the other person is sick of you and that they are better off without you. It’s exhausting to feel like you are not be good enough. It is even harder when everyone reacts to how you are handling things and you feel overwhelmed without being able to defend yourself. One of the hardest parts is when you want to tell them something, but you play it out in your head and end up making up their part of the conversation. That is unfair to both of you. It is just your anxiety playing these mind games with you. Not everyone understands how difficult it is to block these thoughts out of your mind, so you begin to push people away and, to do that, you remind yourself that you’re better off alone and that they will, at some point, get sick of you.
It is so unhealthy and so painful to feel and think this way. It is also very easy to go back to that at any time and doubt everyone’s real intentions. But remember, you are not alone. We all have these battles within us that make us believe no one has our back. It is not true. There will always be someone, whether it is your friend, relative, teacher, counselor etc., who will be there to listen and show you that they are not going anywhere. I understand how hard it is to fight these feeling. Try to let someone in and let them help you. It does get better.
For those who know someone who deals with this, just be patient. They will get there and they will let you in. It takes time and it takes effort, but you will change someone’s life. That person will probably also change yours.