About two weeks ago, one of my friends said to me, in a loving manner “you’re the designated single friend”. Like, I already know. With now having two years of practice seeing my friends enter in and out of relationships, I can confidently say that I am okay with being the single friend.
I’m single for a reason: I have high standards and I’m not going to get into a relationship with just anyone. To me, relationships are all about friendship, trust, love, respect, loyalty and commitment. If I can’t give you all of that and more, there is no way I’m going to jump into a relationship with you.
I think it is important to have these high standards. You want to be treated how you want to be treated and no matter what that is to you, you shouldn’t settle for anything less. My high standards are going to be different than your high standards, but regardless, they should be high.
I’ve never been able to understand how people can enter and exit relationships so quickly. The people who can open their hearts up so easily I both admire and wonder how they can set themselves up to be hurt again.
Personally, that’s my thing. I’m afraid of the hurt that is most likely going to come when the relationship ends. Part of the reason I’m the single friend is because of that paralyzing fear. I’ve been okay with it, this inability to even imagine being vulnerable, but sometimes I want to suck it up and tell myself to just get over it. It isn’t that easy though. If you are as scared as me of making yourself vulnerable, maybe that fear will go away when the right person comes around.
Until then, you have to be the right person— your own person. That’s the best part. You’re in a relationship with yourself and who knows yourself better than you? You know what you like and don’t like. You know how to support and motivate yourself. You are strong enough to be independent.
One aspect about being the single friend is that you are the advice giver. Which is really weird because why would anyone take relationship advice from someone who is single. Most people who are single are single for a reason: they know their worth. When friends ask for advice, or complain about something that happened inside their relationship, our advice usually consists of “dump him”, “you deserve better” and “try communicating this with them.”
The next time you get down about being the only one in your friend group who is single, just remember that you aren’t going to settle for just anybody. Yes, it would be nice to have someone to hang with when all your friends are on dates and coupled up but some things are nicer than a random boy to cuddle up with. For instance: burritos, Stranger Things, self worth, independence and you.