I fell in love with a girl who saw the world differently than I did. She grew up in a different world, in a better world. Her world made a little more sense than mine did. Her brain was smarter than mine, her words were wiser than mine, her attitude was better than mine—but most of all, her sass was sassier than mine.
Out of my league, for sure. She was everything I ever could have imagined in the perfect girlfriend, or at least as perfect as perfect could get. She has her flaws, of course, and some annoying things about her. But that’s what make her who she is, and I loved her. I grew to love everything about her, even the things I hated.
There is no denying my love for her was and still is strong. There’s also no denying she was the greatest thing to ever happen to me. She changed my life and she changed me in ways I can not even begin to explain. I was a better person when I was with her because she not only taught me how to be, but also gave me a reason to be. Before she came into my life, I was a pretty reckless person, because I didn’t think I had anything important to lose—or really anything at all.
Meeting her proved my perspective of I have nothing to lose wrong—at least, it did at first. Eventually, I got used to having her by my side and got back into the mindset of I have nothing to lose. Not because I thought she was nothing, because she has always been everything to me, but it was because I thought I would never lose her. I was wrong. I had everything to lose. My selfish mindset pushed her away. I lost everything while thinking I had nothing.
When I lost her, I lost myself for a little bit. I depended on her heavy for 385 days. My entire world revolved around her, and I had expected hers to revolve around me as well. Those were ridiculous expectations and looking back on it…. Well, let’s just say.. I’m an idiot. Those expectations were unrealistic and my world revolving around her wasn’t healthy. Not for me and certainly not for her either. We were teenagers for christ’s sake, we needed to experience a world outside of each other. We needed to have our own life as well as each other—but they didn’t need to coexist at all times.
After our relationship ended I realized many things about her and myself. She is still smarter, wiser, braver, prettier and sassier. That’s for sure. But that doesn’t make me any less than her. So, yeah—maybe she is better than me because she is all of those things and I’m not, but my heart is. My heart does have all of those qualities.
My heart is smarter because when she left, and it broke, it picked up all of its broken pieces and pieced itself back together. It’s wiser because after it was shattered, it knew she was worth it. It’s braver because even after everything, it still loves her with it’s whole being. It’s prettier because when it loves, it loves forever. It’s sassier because it never gives up, it keeps going and going, even when it’s tired.