When I first came to college, I was terrified. Not necessarily because I would be living more independently than I had before, not because I was going to encounter more challenging and immersive classes, and not because of my anxiety over all the new social situations I’d be encountering once I was there (though that was probably number two on the list). I was terrified because I was convinced that the thing people would notice about me was that I was fat.
In high school, I had made friends with people who didn’t care much what I looked like, mostly guys with the same geeky streak I’ve got going on. I mostly learned to stay away from the girls, having been ostracized by some of them earlier in my life and having developed a mutual standoffishness with that general portion of the population.
Now, I was going to be living in an entire suite full of girls, who were no doubt far skinnier than I and probably fit into that absurd “cute college co-ed” stereotype. Girls who had no problem walking to and from the dorm showers in their towels, who wore crop-tops and who maintained lengthy frizz-free manes of straight hair.
As it turned out, I was right about one thing: these girls were cute. But they were also physically diverse, interesting and, most importantly, the majority of them were very positive and unique. It’s not that they didn’t notice what I looked like; they did, and as I found out later, they were drawn to my curly hair, and my expressive eyes, and my laugh. They noticed my shirt, my floral sneakers and that I gesture a lot with my hands. But how much I weighed, what my jeans size were or how internally (un)comfortable I may have been sporting shorts in the humid, 85 degree weather never crossed their minds. And at the end of the day, friendships and relationships are (or should be) built on the stuff that’s going on inside–the external stuff is essentially just window dressing. Bonds form with people you love and respect who also love and respect you, and you will meet a lot of those sorts of humans at college!
I still found myself looking around in the cafeteria, wondering whether anyone was staring at the fat girl carrying a variety of desserts to later disperse amongst her friends at their table, or wore long, comfy sweatshirts that entirely covered my butt the first few times I wore leggings outside on campus. However, I realized a few important things about weight, college and the world as you perceive it versus the world as other people see it:
1. The person who thinks most about your weight or how you look is yourself. It may feel like everybody is looking at you, judging your choices and staring at your tummy. But as long as you are happy, or content, or at least have the capacity to feel good in your skin, you’re all good – and if you don’t feel that way, you inevitably will with time.
2. College is a magically unique bubble in which people rarely have enough time on their hands to care what other people are doing. This benefits everyone in the long run, because it gives you the space to figure out what you like and how you want to live, independent of other people’s judgement.
3. If for whatever reason someone has a problem with your body or the way it looks, they are one hundred percent not worth interacting with. Criticizing or making fun of someone else’s body is ridiculously immature. It’s actually kind of great, because it makes it much easier to identify and therefore avoid fatphobic a**hats.
4. If you want to exercise more, eat healthier or use either to modify you appearance, there are two rules: do it for yourself and never anyone else, and don’t use diets or diet pills. They don’t work, are ineffective at best and very dangerous to your health at worst.
5. Can’t wear skinny jeans? Can’t wear shorts? Dresses? Tank tops? Backless shirts? Bikinis? Swimsuits in general? Bodycon dresses? Crop-tops? Pencil skirts? Rompers? No problem! Because yes, you can, and the fat shaming culture that told you otherwise is complete balderdash. If you want to wear those things, go ahead. If you don’t want to wear those things, don’t. If you’re comfy and happy in it, put it on your body.
6. Though my experience (and maybe yours) is of being plus sized, it’s crucial to remember that those of us with some chub aren’t the only people who face body-based discrimination. We need to support everyone’s right to live in and love their body without haters getting up in their faces for it. Body shaming is never okay, and all bodies are good bodies. No exceptions.
7. If that cute person over there isn’t attracted to you because of your size, they don’t deserve your time or attentions. You’re hot, and literally so many people find you to be so. Your schedule is hella busy, and you don’t have time to deal with a possible S.O. who doesn’t think you’re amazingly cute.
8. Happiness comes from being happy with yourself. Don’t forget to make yourself, and learning to love every inch of you, a priority.