I love so much about what the Royal Family chooses to be. They are shining, if outdated, emblems of colonialism, privilege, and really gorgeous outerwear. I, a monster, eat up any slop about these regal individuals that is doled out to us plebeians. Any photo, press release, sumptuous Netflix original series (#JusticeForClaireFoy #PayEquality), fictional play about what happens when the queen dies wherein Kate is conniving snake à la Blair Waldorf and Harry is secretly dating a black woman (life imitates art, people!).
8 years ago, (ugh, I feel ancient) I was up at 3 in the morning, adorned in my very own ridiculous hat and chic ensemble choking down a dry scone as Kate Middleton emerged from her carriage in the now iconic lace-sleeved Alexander McQueen gown. So, yes, I am an elitist and common pile of garbage that is fascinated by this group of people who are actually probably super boring in real life, let’s just be honest about that.
The hottest news out of Buckingham Palace is obviously the engagement of HRH Prince Harry of Wales to Mrs. Meghan Markle (“Mrs.” because she is a divorcée! The more you know.) I am insanely obsessed with everything to do with this. It is lunacy to me that we live in a world where a member of the Royal Family is wearing racist pins to holiday breakfasts because they are racist trash/want to make sure Mrs. Markle knows she isn’t welcome in the fam. I want an entire series about this racist brooch incident because I truly have never heard of anything so British-ly evil.
Moving on… if you’ve read anything I’ve ever written, you know I love making fun of Suits. Mrs. Markle was a star of said awful show, and the fact that a basic cable “actress” who also used to be a Deal or No Deal case holder is now going to be a princess is absolutely bonkers. Bonkers.
Enough about my thoughts on the future princess. Let’s hear from someone close to the situation: HRH Prince George, son of Prince William and Kate. Being from a new generation, Prince George has garnered the social media savvy to create quite the following. Well, Gary Janetti as Prince George has.
Gary Janetti, comedy writer and an American hero, has always been hilarious to me. To this day, I think about his appearance on husband Brad Goreski’s reality show, It’s a Brad, Brad World, when a woman who was interviewing to be Brad’s assistant got lost on her way to their home. She said, “My phone died,” and Gary responded, “Your friend died?” She corrected him and said “No, my phone died!” Gary, without missing a beat, replied, “Oh, I was about to say. Don’t bring your personal shit here!” (Apologies for the lengthy aside, but he is honestly a sensation.) His snarky tweets are incredibly my brand of comedy, but he took this delicious wit to a new level with his Instagram posts from the insider perspective of the little prince and his thoughts on the goings-on around him.
Most of his savage thoughts are on his Auntie-to-be. From her work on Suits:
To her questionable fashion and hair choices:
To combining little George’s hatred of both her outfits and her claim to fame television program:
To just trashing her in general:
He also has plans to team up with American royalty, Blue Ivy, to deal with Mrs. Markle:
Prince George doesn’t only have sass for his future Aunt, but for other members of the Royal Family and general common people. The common people are obviously his favourite target:
The future king isn’t all snark, though. He is truly thriving in all of the ways:
I cannot wait to see Sex and the City 3, starring HRH Prince George. He’ll make a great Samantha.
So please, do yourself a favour and run to Gary Janetti’s feed for more delectable and caustic commentary from Prince George. There is often an extra surprise of someone commenting that Gary is being “too mean,” and he’ll usually say something hilarious back. Gift upon gift; we are truly undeserving of such greatness. It might sound silly, but these daily posts of a witchy 5-year-old are a source of pure happiness for me. Everything is so dark and gloomy and upsetting these days, and it’s really great to be able to stop for a second and laugh at some biting, clever fictitious dialogue.
Never change, George (or Gary).
Images: Gary Janetti (Instagram: @garyjanetti)