October 11th, 3:23 AM.
- It is not a compliment if it frightens me. Why am I a b*tch for not being flattered?
- Why are these men telling me how I should feel about their invasion of my personal space?!
- Like thanks a lot, that really helped my ego to get a compliment from a drunk, washed-up man at 2 AM, because I find my self-worth and validation from men and their comments.
- And yes, I should obviously respond to a whistle because I’m a dog rather than a human being here – I’m a b*tch to them either way.
October 13th, 10:33 PM.
- Why do guys think it’s okay to come up to me and invade my personal space on the streets all of a sudden?
- Like you really should find another method to deliver your message that doesn’t just vomit your presence all over me.
These are the raw expression of my feelings, written in my journal after getting cat called and street harassed while walking home at night after long and tiring hours of studying during midterm season.
I was a girl walking down the street at a late hour, and every single man I walked by thought that called for various forms of violence, including blocking my path, commenting on my sex and/or race, demanding my attention, whistling and more. This might have been a fun five-second amusement for all of them, but on my end; I was on the verge of crying and calling home. It was a serious invasion of my personal space, my ego, and my safety.
The thing that gets to me the most is that these men do not realize what effect these actions, known as cat calling or street harassing, have on me, my best friends – everyone.
I ran hundreds of scenarios of what could have happened had I responded more firmly, taken a different path home, or if I just hadn’t studied at all, etc., and honestly, I could not come up with an answer as to what I should have done. Because this shouldn’t have happened at all. Nothing I do in response would have changed how I felt, because the problem does not lie in how I acted, but how they did.
This is why I’m writing this article on why cat calling should never happen, in the hope that it can be prevented in the future.
Dear cat callers and street harassers,
Your actions objectify victims on so many levels, and you need to stop. Now.
First, you are perceiving the person as an object you can comment on for its appearance. You are not acknowledging that this is a person who will automatically process your comment, probably as a threat or as a trigger for an instant wave of disgust and discomfort. Please please please, if you genuinely find a woman attractive and want to approach her, do so after taking the time to think of a way that will generate a healthy, informative, and friendly conversation.
Secondly, you are treating her as an object that you own, when you decide for her that she should be flattered by your comment. Telling us that we should just be grateful for your rude acknowledgement of our presence is a result of the assumption that it is okay for others, especially men like you, to decide for us what we should feel when.
One of the most frequently made assumptions is that “there is nothing more that a woman loves to hear [than] how pretty she is.” Is that true, ladies? Well, this is how CNN’s anchor Fredricka Whitfield and comedian Amanda Seales responded to author Steve Santagati when he said those exact words to them:
Can you believe that a public figure like him would say such an ignorant thing? Yes, some of us have luscious lashes, pretty-coloured lips, unreal curves, flowing hair, an impeccable sense of style etc., and at the right time and place, some recognition will flatter us. That means no whistles or obnoxious comments thrown on the streets. Nobody should be telling us, deciding for us, how we should feel about or respond to absolutely anybody’s comments. Catcalling is a dangerous denial of each and every single person’s right to safety and equality.
Oh, I know there are people who think I’m overreacting and that I should just suck it up. Why not? It only lasts about five seconds. Or if I’m such a “strong independent woman,” why don’t I just act like one, and tell them to back off? Well, in the same CNN interview, Amanda Seales reminded us of an incident where Mary Speaers, a 27 year-old woman, got shot dead for refusing to give her number to a man. Should we all go and buy a gun? Should we just suck it up and unwillingly give our number to every man who asks for it? Should we just not walk around outside? Because how dare we be unwilling to abide by a man’s demand!
In all seriousness, nothing will end the problem but our realization that the responsibility lies with each and every one of us to think before we act. Think about how your comment will affect her night, her mood, her ego, her self-image.
The streets already have enough problems – traffic, garbage, gum stains, cigarette butts – so let’s try to take harassment off that list.
Sources:
www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/02/cnn-catcalling-video-steve-santagati_n…
http://hellogiggles.com/no-catcalling-is-not-a-compliment-and-heres-why
Images obtained from:
http://brokeassstuart.com/blog/2014/03/11/a-piece-about-catcalling-from-…
http://www.buzzfeed.com/adamdavis/this-guy-mansplained-catcalling-on-cnn…