As apartment hunting season officially starts, so do the anxieties of living with your best friends. Whenever I mention that I live in an apartment with six other girls, the first thing people often say to me is something like “you should never live with your friends” or “there is no way that will last”. But the truth is, with the right mindset, living with friends doesn’t have to end up with everyone hating each other. Share this with your roommates, and let’s dive in.
1. Be alone
I know this seems contradictory—how are you going to get along with your roommates if you don’t spend time together? But being a good roommate is all about having good boundaries. In quarantine, because a lot of us have been deprived of social interaction, it might seem tempting to spend all of your time together. However, you have to distinguish the periods when you need your own alone time, and when your roommates need theirs as well. This includes not feeling hurt when they make plans with other people without you or when they choose to spend a day alone in their room. If you have a living room, designate that specific spot to be the “social area”, that way, you can tell when your roommates need their personal space. Of course, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t actively try to spend time with them. It’s hugely beneficial to schedule days/nights to hang out with each other, especially during quarantine, it gives us something positive and fun to look forward to at the end of the week.
2. Leave the house
Seems simple, but it does the trick when you feel yourself catching a bad mood (which often manifests in how you treat your roommates). Have an external friend or do an activity that doesn’t involve any of your roommates. This is especially helpful when you need an external opinion to rant to, to gain perspective, or simply just to have an escape.
3. Accept criticism, and be ready to give it too.
Fights are inevitable. It’s better to know this before you move in together rather than trying to avoid any arguments. Here’s an example of what happens when feelings get bottled up:
Roommate 1: Hey, I noticed you didn’t do your dishes yet…
Roommate 2: Yeah?? Well, remember three weeks ago when you made cookies and I had to clean up that entire mess because you were too lazy to clean it?
We want to avoid this as much as possible. Being a roommate requires talking about a lot of sensitive subjects, like money, family, and values. Bringing up issues as they come up is perfectly healthy—this will build honesty and the respect you have for one another.
In this way, how you deal with a fight is more important than preventing one. Since you’re going to be spending every day together, it’s easy to get upset about the small things, but some fights are just not worth losing a friendship over. If there’s one thing to take away, it should be this— your relationship as roommates and your friendship should always be separated. Yes, your roommate not doing their dishes might show that they aren’t the best roommate, but it doesn’t mean they don’t value you as a friend. Let yourself make jokes about each other’s bad habits, and love them for it.
4. Tricount #notsponsored
There are many apps that act as external mediators for house-related things. Tricount is a perfect way to get reimbursed without having the awkward conversation of asking for your money back. Just turn your notifications on, and it’s an easy way to both receive and give gentle reminders concerning money issues. Just make sure you’re running all the big decisions by everyone in the house, so that no one gets surprised when they see their Tricount notification come through.
5. Lower your expectations
Ah, the classic word in communal living: compromise. Before moving in, don’t expect to be best friends and hang out all the time. I know everyone has probably already scared you off from living with your friends, so just be aware of how fast it can go wrong. As I mentioned before, making a schedule of days to hang out together helps, but don’t expect everyone to follow it. Think of your whole roommate life as one big Tricount: everyone reciprocates good deeds in different ways. If you don’t get upset about your roommate canceling plans, they won’t get upset when one day you have to. This principle applies to everything. If you give your roommate an egg, don’t expect to get it back, but they will usually remember your generosity when you ask for a tomato a couple days later.
Your home environment influences everything in your life in ways you don’t often realize, which is why it’s so important to maintain a good relationship with your roommates. I know it seems like a lot of pressure, but remember, it’s a collective project and it’s everyone’s responsibility to make it work together.