What do you do when the person you trusted with everything turns against you?
They made you smile even though tears were streaming down your face; they always encouraged you, inspired you and said you deserved nothing less than the world. They stayed up late just to talk to you about literally everything and nothing at the same time. They seemed to know you better than you knew yourself and accepted all of your faults and imperfections. This person could have been your significant other, your closest friend or just someone you trusted with all your heart. Then, for one reason or another, they turned into someone you didn’t recognize. They went against you and your friendship through lies, betrayal, or just a stony silence- everything you thought they weren’t capable of. And all of a sudden, whatever you had, was over.
I didn’t say a name but you thought of someone, didn’t you? Well… I did too.
My story starts off like many others- a best friend who helped me through everything and who I felt would never judge me. A best friend who told me I was unforgettable, someone who talked to me no matter what time, just to make sure everything was okay. They were everything I could have asked for in a friend- Friday night football games, walking each other to class, sharing jokes along the way, and insulting each other just because only we knew we felt the opposite. Too soon, problems ensued with our friendship- jealousies and insecurities crept up with their significant other, causing this person to become something I never thought they would, someone I didn’t recognize. They believed the lies said about me and didn’t bother to find out the truth; they didn’t fight for our friendship like they said they would and it left me with an unclosed chapter in what was to be such a happy time in my life.
My story isn’t uncommon, whether your situation was worse or not as bad, it all comes down to the same thing: you were wronged; you were lied to, hurt, and betrayed- that person you thought you knew so well turned on you and everything you had said to each other, all the promises that you had made together, had suddenly disappeared in a swirling mass of cruel lies that stabbed through your heart like an icy knife. You could say I’m being dramatic, but anyone who has ever been wronged understands that feeling. That hopeless feeling that turns into either rage, tears, venting sessions with your mom/friend, or ripping up every picture you had with them into little tiny pieces as though that will make them feel as bad as you do.
They say that time heals all wounds. For the longest time, I have tried to find closure and answers to the question that burns me like flames: why? Why didn’t they find me enough to fight for our friendship when I would have done anything for them? Why did they hurt me so badly? Why in the world can’t my life be like a movie where the idiot just magically appears on your doorstep to tell you they’re sorry? These aren’t easy questions and I have searched for the answers in all the wrong places, including the person who hurt me. Sometimes things happen and these people just do not have a reason for their actions. I know that you have to tell yourself that this is not about you, it’s them- but it’s not that simple, is it?
If you can learn anything from my story it is that you have to realize that the answer may never come to you; you may never find that reason as to why someone decided to stab you in the back without seeming to care. Maybe you have closure on this subject just by your own sheer will… or maybe it is haunting you like it is haunting me. I can tell you the only thing that does help: time. Time is my worst enemy, and my biggest fear, yet it is the only thing that has helped me become stronger. Yes, when I look at pictures of my old friend, time seems to stop and I find myself tearing up, wanting to drown myself in Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Yes, I have written countless letters that I never plan to send, pouring out everything that I ever wanted to say and never had the chance to. Yes, it still hurts. But, through time, I have found my ways to cope with the loss of that person, of those promises. Through time I have been able to build up my self-esteem a little more each day.
Being wronged is one of the worst forms of emotional pain, no matter who caused you that pain. Whether closure is out of reach or not, hang on to your dignity- hold your head up high. You are worth the world, no matter what anyone tells you otherwise; at least they were right about something.